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Tags: relationships, affairs, signs of a cheating lover
 The bearer of bad news bears the brunt of the people on the receiving end. That’s why we always say “don’t shoot the messenger.” If you bring bad news to someone you need to be prepared to deal with the potential consequences. This is especially true if you’re thinking of telling your closest friend about his or her .
Three outcomes can arise—you will be praised, you will be hated, or you will be vilified. The way I see it you have 2 chances of being the bad guy and 1 of being the hero. If you tell your friend about the cheating lover they may; 1) say thank you for exposing the cheater, or; 2) hate you because it was none of your business and why did you have to let them know.
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On the other hand, if your best pal found out about her cheating lover and knew that you knew about it and did not tell them, you can be accused of protecting the scumbag. See, it’s a catch 22 for you. If you are planning to tell but hesitant, here are a few suggestions to get the message across.
You can jokingly share a book about signs of a cheating lover and indirectly talk about it. If you directly ask them to read the signs of a cheating lover, your best pal might get suspicious and end up pressuring you to spill the beans. If you’re into spy movies try leaving an anonymous letter outlining the events but the one drawback is that your best pal may not totally believe it and see it as a joke.
If you’re going to directly tell them about their cheating lover, here are some few important points to remember. Try and confirm the truth of the matter yourself. The best evidence is one you have seen with your own eyes-everything else is hearsay. If you found out that it’s not mere gossip don’t share it with others unless you want your best bud to hear the bad news the wrong way and from the wrong person.
Also, check what the real score is between your best pal and their cheating lover—they may already be cooling off or separated. And who knows, maybe it is your friend who is the other woman or man? If you are thinking about telling your best bud about his or her cheating lover, weigh the pros and cons first.
Think about it from your own perspective—would you want to know under the same circumstances? And how would you react not only to your partner but also to your friend when you hear about the information. Keep in mind that this will also affect you as the messenger. At the same time there is your own internal struggle with the potential effects of keeping or not keeping it a secret.
Certainly if you didn’t tell you may wind being hated by your friend, but that could be the least of your worries. Your friend may get STD because of their lover’s illicit affair. And if the partner cheated before, who’s to say they won’t do it again, even if they are married with your friend—it can result in more pain, both emotionally and financially.
On the other hand, if you do tell, your friend may thank you or may initially hate you for telling them things they would rather not know about. Also, the cheating lover is still in the picture and might do everything in his/her power to destroy your credibility in order to save himself.
At the same time, everyone else, including the couple themselves, may wind up blaming you for everything. Being a messenger is hard and there is no easy way to go about it without someone getting hurt. Unfortunately there is no right or wrong way to do it. Just think of the less hurtful path to take.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth recently published an easy to follow course on how to get your cheating spouse back. Click here to get more info about Winning Your Man Back From Infidelity.
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