Posted by: carmen perez on 2010-04-27

Dear Ruth,In a relationship for 9 years.does not live together but planned to soon.I am a victim of infidility. I confronted my partner & an argument arise, needless to say I was hurt I cried like a baby. I rad your book & follow some of your advise. I remained calm & did not returned any of his calls.the other woman called and left several messages for me to call her i als did not return her calls.
My partner called and left me a few messages saing he is very sorry for his actions and admited he is wrong. after I felt stronger can somewhat healed I started light conversations on the phone or email.Its almost 7 months now since the confrontation we have not been together. He called me twice and told me that he really wants us to meet sit and talk lots of things begining with a sincere apology. I accepted the offer but did not give him a definite date yet.
Ruth I really love this man and want to be with him and no one else.
Did not know what this other woman wants to tell me but I am happy he is willing to sit and talk.I am missing him a lot but he does not know it.
Please advise on this situation.Am I doing the right things? If not what should I do?

Thank
Carmen Perez

Ruth answers..
Carmen, I commend you for keeping your cool, not everyone can do it. This is the hardest advice to follow, yet you were able to do it, congratulations! It takes a lot of character and strength to be calm in spite of the tremendous turmoil going on inside you. That is why I am not surprised to read that your man wants to go back and make things right again with you again.

However, the main issue here is, are you ready? Are you ready to be together again and make a new start? Your man obviously wants to be with you now, the next move is up to you. You need to check in the e-book if you want him back for the right reasons and if your man is sincerely sorry and wants you back for the right reasons, too. These are very important factors that you need to deal with, otherwise both of you will just be creating bad new habits in the relationship.

I believe that before you meet your man to talk about second chances, you should know what you want from him and the relationship. You should set your standards straight of how you want to be treated, you should stress out that honesty, respect, and loyalty should be the core values of your relationship. Also, listen to what he is about to say, don’t be emotional and defensive. It’s important that love and compromise prevails in your talk.

Other than that, I think you are doing the right things now, which is not rushing into things and NOT talking to the other woman. The other woman has one motive and that is to “save her relationship.” She is not out to help you. The other woman is not your concern, you have no business with her.

Keep your strength, Carmen. Don’t hesitate to keep in touch.

Posted by: saira on 2010-02-25

Hello Ruth!i m madly in love with someone but unable to express the way i feel about him......i have no idea why i love him but still cannot stay without him and he knows nothing......
what can i do?

Ruth answers..
Hi, Saira. I made an article just for you, "How To Make The First Move Without Looking Desperate" I hope you can apply it and make use of it.

Good luck!

Posted by: Jane on 2010-02-17

My exboyfriend who is much younger than me (but he never new or asked how much) thinks I am a "ck teaser" We dated for a good 4 months just holding hands (live in the middle east he is m.e. man. I was crazy about him. But the one night we heated up a wouldnt let him go any far. Anyway from then on its been downhill. I think he has put me completely out of mind. I would feel sick to contact him and get rejected. He thinks I am just playing games. I feel worse than when I was a teenager!

Ruth answers..
You know what, the break- up was a good idea. You may feel worse now, but it could've been worst if you slept with him. Your guy was obviously after one thing- and that is to sleep with you! You don't deserve a guy like that! If he really cares for you, he will wait. You deserve a man who can love you and respect your decision...