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3 Ways To Survive His Infidelity Without Losing Your Sanity
Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal.
It's effects are devastating and
life-changing that it penetrates
the deepest core of your being.
That is why surviving infidelity
requires proper guidance and
the right motivation.
Check out how here.
It's all about having the perfect
motivation and state of mind.
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Infidelity hurts. There is no ifs
or buts about it.
The pain and shock of finding
out that the one person you
have loved for almost all your
life has been unfaithful to you
is perhaps one of most traumatic
and devastating events that
can happen to you and one
that I hope you don't have
to experience.
Unfortunately, you and I know
that life isn't exactly fair.
Infidelity happens and it can
take years before couples
repair a relationship marred
by such an event, if at all.
Now calm down, I didn't say
it's not possible now did I?
I merely said that it could
be tough.
It's going to take a lot of work
on both you and your partner's
part if you want it to work.
Before I talk about what you,
yourself, can do in order for
you to survive the infidelity,
let me start by talking about
what can affect your recovery
success rate.
Recovery is possible.
Many couples have bounced
back and have even developed
a stronger and more intimate
relationship.
How your relationship was
before the infidelity is one
factor that can affect
recovery.
Obviously if there were
some animosity before
hand it may make
reconciliation a little more
difficult.
At the same time, there's
also the commitment level
to make it work, both yours
and his.
Let's face it, if you two don't
feel like getting back together
again, well it's not going to
work.
We're talking about motivation.
If you're not truly motivated to
save the relationship then it
won't be saved.
You two are the best indicator
as to whether or not your
relationship is worth saving.
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Ok, now let's get down to what
you can do in order to survive
such an emotional event -
knock on wood that you
don't have to experience it.
1) Give yourself a break and
treat yourself.
You heard me. Go out and
treat yourself.
You've just been through hell
so why not treat yourself to
a little bit of heaven to make
up for it.
What heaven is depends on
your definition of it and just
how far your imagination
takes you.
Get a new wardrobe, or two.
A new outfit can do wonders
in rejuvenating yourself.
If you want a physical makeover
go to a spa or a salon.
Treat yourself to a massage or
get your hair done.
Even better get the whole body
makeover package, especially
one that has you coming back
in stages.
That way you have something
to look forward to in the
coming days or weeks.
An extended revitalizing
program if you will.
If a retreat is more your thing
then do that.
A weekend or even a week in
the mountains, communing
with nature may just be what
the doctor ordered.
After all this is so you get
your spirit back.
However, even when I say go
out and paint the town red
and indulge yourself, I didn't
say anything about not taking
care of yourself.
By that I mean not to go
overboard.
Remember that saying: don't
do anything I wouldn't do?
Follow that.
Drink if you must, but drink
to mellow, not to get drunk.
Drinking is not the solution
to life's problems.
And besides, I have yet to
see a drunk not have more
problems than he or she
started with before they
were drunk.
Basically, what I'm saying is,
don't do anything that you
will regret later on.
So now instead of only one
concern you'll wind up with
two, or three, or even four.
"Girl, what did you do last
night," comes to mind.
So splurge BUT moderation
is key.
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2) Let your emotions subside.
You're angry. Of course you are.
And not just anger. You're also
sad, as well as confused.
Emotions that make for one
very explosive brew.
And why not, you have been
through an life-altering event
that brought you emotional,
psychological, and physical
shock.
Probably your first impulse
was to throw his stuff out
the window and file for
a divorce.
I don't blame you. And that
would have been a normal
reaction. After you've just
been betrayed so why not.
So what do you do?
You divorce him and remarry?
Many have gone that route.
But often they do it much
to their regret.
Rebound romances and
marriages often don't compare
to the first one.
And you know, by doing all
this you've just given up on
hope that things can still be
worked out.
Why do I say that?
Because if you really sit
down and think about things
without the emotion, you'll
probably find out that you
still very much in love with
him, and him with you.
He's probably regretting what
he has done, especially when
he realizes he's going to
lose you.
So what do you do?
Sit, relax, and give your mind
time to calm down.
Right now you are in a state
of emotional flux.
It's like someone stirred a tank
of water and sand.
Clouds up the water doesn't it?
That's what's happening to
you now.
So in order to clear the water
in the tank you have to let the
sand settle - in your case let
your emotions settle.
That's why you go and do the
1st thing I suggested above -
so you can settle your
emotions.
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3) Talk about it.
Yes, being a victim of infidelity
can be embarrassing - you'll
feel ashamed that it happened
to you, so much so that you
won't even talk about it with
anyone.
I know. I have known people
who prefer to keep everything
under wraps because they
don't want the stigma
associated with it.
If I remember correctly,
martyrdom went away with
the last of the crusades.
And it's not like you're the
only poster child for infidelity.
Sorry to bust your bubble
sweetie, but this has happened
to a lot of women around
the world.
The only difference is, many
of them chose NOT to hide
that fact and some have
even come out with it.
What good is hiding it do for
you? You keep silent and no
one will know but is it worth it?
So you'll just let all that emotion
fester and boil up inside you
until one day you snap and
commit a double murder?
Ok so maybe that's a bit much,
and I'm sure you won't go that
far but at the very least you
may suffer a mental break-
down, which in turn WILL
affect your life.
Come on, that's not worth it.
There are a lot of help available
for people such as yourself.
It's only a matter of reaching
out to them.
Counselors can be an invaluable
help with this concern.
Get a referral or look through
the phone book. I would advise
looking for one that you can
be comfortable with sharing
your life's story.
An advantage they have is
that they are looking at this
from an objective point of
view so they can properly
advise you.
If you are not into sharing your
problems with complete
strangers then share with
your family or even closest
friends.
Ask for their opinion.
Who knows, the sister you
didn't really like may have
the best advise to offer.
If anything else, what I'm saying
is: do not attempt to survive
infidelity without help.
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So you are able to survive
infidelity - the event - after it
has already happened.
So you're now working to get
back together. While that is
good it is true that the root
cause of the infidelity has
yet to be identified.
Often the cause is not identified
so the underlying problem itself
is not addressed.
What this means is, should
you get back together again
the cheating can likely happen
again.
That's why I put together this
guide that will help you in
understanding why infidelity
happens in a relationship.
Check out a copy here.
Surviving infidelity is an uphill
battle. That's why you need to
have the tools and the back-up
to meet that challenge.
Reconciliation and compassion
are very much possible when
the extra-marital affair has
ended!
Until next time,
Ruth Purple,
P.S. Visit my blog at: http://www.relazine.com
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