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A Marriage Is All About Give And Take
They say an ounce of prevention
is better than a pound of cure.
And not as expensive.
Don't give him a reason to play
around.
Nip it right now.
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Let me ask this to the couples
in the room:
"When does the marriage start?"
Some of you are probably
saying marriage started the
day they got engaged and
some are probably saying
it starts right after you finish
saying "I do."
To me, and I think most of
you will agree to this, marriage
starts after the glow of the
courtship, the wedding, and
the honeymoon disappears.
Everything else was just
preparation, now is when
the real nitty gritty starts.
It's when you start to really
live together and face the
challenges of everyday life
together - as husband and wife.
Marriage isn’t all about romantic
dinners and the steamy sex
(although it doesn't hurt to
have those in abundance).
Marriage is about two very
different individuals that are
bound together by their love
for one another.
Or shackled as my wise
cracking friends love to say.
For the newlyweds, the
reality of having a long term
commitment with the same
person, living under the same
roof, sleeping in the same
bed can come as quite a
shock.
Even if you love one another.
As you start to embark on
your journey of life together,
you will be faced with many
pitfalls and hurdles, which
you must pass in order to
continue on.
And that hurdle can be as
simple as who between the
two of you is sloppier.
You grew up in a highly
sterile environment, where
everything was clean and
put away. He didn’t.
The sight of piled up, dirty
plates is enough to make
you go ballistic but it’s
totally fine with him.
Or, you fix your side of the
bed as soon as you get up
and he just rolls out of bed,
takes a shower, put clothes
on and leaves for work.
Or the eternal question:
Should the toilet seat be
left up, or down?
And mind you these things
aren't even as major as
finances or money.
The thing is, these so called
little things can escalate to
fights that need not happen.
The thing you need to do is
to be able to find a solution
that works best for the both
of you.
Even if it means both of you
make some sacrifices.
What's important is that both
of you agree to it and do your
share to finish once it is
started.
So it could be you can do the
dishes and he does the bed
or vice-versa.
What is important is you sit
down together and talk things
over as to who does what so
you don't have any complaints.
Although I dare say the question
about the toilet seat being up or
down probably won't be cleared
any time soon.
And I'm sure all the guys in
the room are nodding their
heads in emphatic agreement.
You can't win them all.
That being said, a serious one
on one talk is needed when it
comes to the more volatile
issue such as money.
They say money is the root
of all evil and if you let it get
between you and your partner
it soon will be.
Just make sure that you both
have a financial plan that will
help guide you through your
financial roller coaster ride.
The same thing can be said
with how you deal with both
families and friends.
How often are they allowed to
drop in or to visit, especially
friends that are not mutual.
You both want your respective
privacy. Set the ground rules
that you both should follow.
Maybe you won't have as much
time with your female friends
but then he won't have as
much time with his buddies
either.
You both gave up something
but it prevented everything
from escalating.
And if it does escalate into
a fight make sure that neither
of you lose your cool.
It is so easy to give in to
emotion when things get
heated up but if you do,
you may just say things
to each other that you
cannot take back.
And this will only escalate
the situation and leave things
unsolved.
If going to bed angry will help
you cool down, then by all
means do so.
Do anything that can calm
you down.
But this doesn't mean you
put things in the back burner
just because you stepped
away or slept on it.
Start fresh in the morning
or whenever you have cooled
down.
This way both of you can
talk and listen rationally -
instead of being defensive
and emotional
Marriage is not a stroll along
the beach. It is a roller-coaster
ride that has its ups and
downs.
What's important is that there
is communication between
the two of you, regardless
of what may be happening.
At the same time both of you
must be ready to give up
something in order to make
things work for the both
of you.
Remember, you are no longer
doing things for yourself.
You are now part of a unit
that's called a family and
every decision you make
reverberates to everyone
else in that unit.
But the good thing is that
you don't have to tackle
things on your own anymore -
you now have a partner that
will back you up.
And if you want a guide that
can help you keep you man
to yourself then check out
what I have prepared for you.
Look at it here here.
Until next time,
Ruth Purple
P.S. More relationship information and tips can be found in my blog at: http://www.relazine.com
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