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It Is Not Only Why You Fight But Also How You Fight That Matters
Want to get a life that is full of contentment
and bliss?
A relationship based on trust and honesty?
Check out the answers here.
With this it is possible.
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Like I said before, fighting in a relationship
is normal and can be a healthy thing.
The question you need to ask yourself is
whether you are fighting because you want
to resolve something or merely because
you want to get back at your partner or
be in control.
If you do the latter then you will both lose
even if you win.
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> Don't put them on the defensive
When you do that then your partner will
simply shut up and all communication
will stop.
And we all know that when communication
stops it's all over.
That's why if you do fight or get into an
argument never use the "you" word.
That's because the minute you do that the
other person will think you're judging them
and they become defensive.
And please, no sarcasm.
While it is often used to lighten the mood,
not so when you are in an argument.
The reverse will actually happen.
Sarcasm will only make it tougher to find
a resolution.
And no name calling as well.
You're not a child anymore and doing that
will only make matters worst, not better.
And don't make the mistake of making threats
or ultimatums like you will move away if this
and this doesn't get done or something like
that.
Again it doesn't help and will only make
things escalate.
Not the kind of scenario you want to have.
> If it's about the ding on the car then
keep it about the ding on the car
Focus on the problem at hand AND only
on the problem at hand.
Don't stray from that.
And don't bring up any old grudges or old
history, especially if they have nothing to
do with the current situation.
You are not here to keep score.
You are here to find a resolution to the
problem.
> Be open minded
Listen and understand your partner's point
of view.
Remember, you're not the only one with
a side on this issue.
Your partner has one too.
Try and see it from their perspective.
Rephrase what you've just heard to show
that you were listenting.
Ask questions if you don't understand.
> Take a break if needed
Whether we want to or not, our emotions
will tend to get into the argument.
When that happens things can get carried
to far or we stop thinking rationaly.
If you feel like you're not in control ask for
a break to give both of you time to calm
down.
But that doesn't mean it's over.
Before you take a break schedule when
you will return to the topic at hand.
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Don't forget that the the purpose of your fight
is so both of you can clarify and find a solution
to an issue.
But please, if you have kids, take the fight
private and keep it private.
If your children see you fight, they may get
scarred emotionally.
DON'T do that.
And learn to forgive one another.
And once forgiven don't bring it up again.
If you do it right, having an argument or a
fight can help to change what needs to be
changed, solve problems and harmonize
your differences.
And if you want to learn how to size up your
partner and get the self-empowering approaches
to heal yourself when needed then check
out my easy-to-follow guide.
You can check it out here.
Get enriching advice on how to deal with
day to day relationship set backs so you
come out stronger than ever.
Until next time,
Ruth Purple
P.S. Check out more relationship information and tips in my blog at: http://www.relazine.com
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