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It's Not Only Why You Fight But Also How You Fight That Matters
Want to get a life that is full
of contentment and bliss?
A relationship based on trust
and honesty?
Check out the answers here.
With this it is possible.
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Like I said before, fighting in
a relationship is normal and
can be a healthy thing.
The question you need to
ask yourself is whether
you are fighting because
you want to resolve something
or merely because you want
to get back at your partner
or be in control.
If you do the latter then you
will both lose even if you win.
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Don't put them on the
defensive
When you do that then your
partner will simply shut up
and all communication will
stop.
And we all know that when
communication stops it's
all over.
That's why if you do fight or
get into an argument never
use the "you" word.
That's because the minute
you do that the other person
will think you're judging them
and they become defensive.
And please, no sarcasm.
While it is often used to lighten
the mood, not so when you
are in an argument.
The reverse will actually
happen.
Sarcasm will only make it
tougher to find a resolution.
And no name calling as well.
You're not a child anymore
and doing that will only make
matters worst, not better.
And don't make the mistake
of making threats or ultimatums
like you will move away if this
and this doesn't get done or
something like that.
Again it doesn't help and will
only make things escalate.
Not the kind of scenario you
want to have.
If it's about the ding on
the car then keep it about
the ding on the car
Focus on the problem at hand
AND only on the problem at
hand. Don't stray from that.
And don't bring up any old
grudges or old history,
especially if they have
nothing to do with the
current situation.
You are not here to keep
score. You are here to
find a resolution to the
problem.
Be open minded
Listen and understand your
partner's point of view.
Remember, you're not the
only one with a side on this
issue. Your partner has one
too.
Try and see it from their
perspective.
Rephrase what you've just
heard to show that you were
listening.
Ask questions if you don't
understand.
Take a break if needed
Whether we want to or not,
our emotions will tend to
get into the argument.
When that happens things
can get carried to far or we
stop thinking rationally.
If you feel like you're not in
control ask for a break to
give both of you time to
calm down.
But that doesn't mean it's
over. Before you take a
break schedule when you
will return to the topic
at hand.
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Don't forget that the the purpose
of your fight is so both of you
can clarify and find a solution
to an issue.
But please, if you have kids,
take the fight private and
keep it private.
If your children see you fight,
they may get scarred
emotionally.
DON'T do that.
And learn to forgive one another.
And once forgiven don't bring it
up again.
If you do it right, having an
argument or a fight can help
to change what needs to be
changed, solve problems
and harmonize your
differences.
And if you want to learn how
to size up your partner and
get the self-empowering
approaches to heal yourself
when needed then check
out my easy-to-follow guide.
You can check it out here.
Get enriching advice on how
to deal with day to day
relationship set backs so
you come out stronger
than ever.
Until next time,
Ruth Purple
P.S. Check out more relationship information and tips in my blog at: http://www.relazine.com
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