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Making Sure He Has Learned His Lesson Before Taking Him Back
Want to know the real reason
why men cheat. The answers
may just surprise you.
See what the reasons are here.
Uncover the real reasons
behind a man's infidelity and
win him back for all the right
reasons.
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Today I'll be answering a
message from Anne who has
been married for over 7 years.
It seems that her husband
cheated on her with a
woman he met while
out of town.
Anne had kicked him out
but now he's back and
wanted another chance.
Needless to say Anne is
confused and I don't think
anyone can blame her.
After all, according to her,
her husband seemed
genuinely repentant and
she still loves him but
just doesn't trust herself
enough to try and risk it
all again only to just get
hurt again.
Ok, here's my take on the
matter.
I understand the confusion that
you're going through.
After all, he's the man who
you thought loved you for 7
long years only to find out
that he's playing around with
someone else.
Of course it's going to hurt
and I will not downplay that
part.
Now he's back and so now
the question is whether you
take him back or not...and
he seems genuinely
repentant as you say.
First off let me say that
ultimately, the decision to
take him back or not lies
with you.
Having said that let me offer
some words that may help
in your decision making.
When you found out he cheated
on you obviously you were hurt,
so much so that you told him
to get out.
I'm not condemning you on
your action it's a perfectly
normal one to take and in
fact a lot of women do take
that route when it happens
to them
But as you said, even though
you did that deep inside you
still love him.
That is also normal for the
women I mentioned above.
So now the conundrum - you
want him back but you want
him to come back for the
right reasons, namely
because of you
If you do decide to take him
back, you would probably
want there to be a fresh start.
Many do it that way.
But before you do that I
advice that you first see
what and how he feels
about what he’s done
and its effects on you
and your relationship
with him.
Does he even feel remorseful?
Has he told you why he did
what he did or is he merely
shrugging it off?
An important thing you have
to get from him is that he
understands the consequences
of his actions.
Even if you want him back,
you need to know the real
score if only to get it out
of the way.
Without that, you wouldn't
be able to work things out
together and the fresh start
you want may be doomed
to failure.
You need to confront him
with the things you have
been avoiding and resolve
it before it becomes a
deadly cycle in your
relationship.
It's not enough that he came
back.
For all you know he came
back because he couldn't
stand that other woman's
cooking.
His main reason for coming
back after what he's done
should be unequivocally
YOU, and ONLY YOU.
One sign he's sincere is when
he actually opens up to you
and actually TALKS to you.
Let's face it, men are not known
for sharing and this emotional
aspect is not something they
will go through.
I dare say that they'd rather
rush hell with a bucket of
water than face up to and
share what they're feeling.
So when he does open up to
you - listen.
And when you do listen to
him don't get all defensive
and judgmental.
For all you know, some of
the reasons he did what he
did was because of what
you did or did not do.
Now don't get all riled up,
I'm not siding with him or
anything.
It's just that if you rationally
think about it, since it is a
relationship of two people,
in one way or another, both
parties may be at fault.
Even if you say you gave him
all the love in the world but
maybe, just maybe, the way
you gave him that love was
the one reason he did what
he did because the other
woman did not do it.
All I'm saying is keep an
open mind.
Because if you don't, the
underlying issue that
caused all this may not
be fixed so where does
that leave you?
Back to where you started.
Another sign that he is sincere
is if he really goes out of his
way to make things work.
Yes, maybe serving you
breakfast in bed or cooking
for you may be somewhat
for the purpose of getting
on your good side but
so what.
That is what he should be
doing after all.
Why not appreciate it for what
it is - the actions of a man
willing to go the distance to
make things work between
the two of you again.
If he gets a greater
understanding of who you
are and becomes more
caring and considerate
then isn't that for the good.
You see, something good
can come out of every
adversity you face.
I believe that if you see
each problem as an
opportunity to make
yourself and your
relationships better
and stronger then
take advantage of it.
Good things do come and
adversity can make things
stronger.
However, you need to be
patient and don't expect
miracles.
The road ahead, whatever
you decision you may make,
will be rough or smooth but
what's important is how you
cope with the events as they
occur that matters the most.
And if you want more tips on
how you can get him back
and be empowered to face
everything then check out
my easy-to-follow guide.
Check it out here.
Reconciliation and compassion
are very much possible when
the extra-marital affair has
ended.
It's all up to you.
To your relationship,
Ruth Purple
P.S. More relationship tip and strategies can be had in my blog at: http://www.relazine.com. Check it out.
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