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Ready...Get Set...Fight
Want to make sure your
relationship stands the test
of time?
Do you want a relationship
that's healthy and flourishing?
Then visit my catalog and
check out what I have to
offer you.
Check it out here.
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The other day a friend of mine
came to me to have a talk.
She was somewhat distracted
because it seemed her
relationship took a wrong
turn.
It seemed that she and her
partner always seem to just
keep on fighting. And she is,
according to her "just sick of it!"
*******************************************
I understand where my friend
is coming from.
It's an often seen occurrence
that has played itself out on
many a couple's stage.
The thing to remember is
that it's not something that
happens just with you.
It happens to every couple
in varying degrees and
many of them survive it
and even become stronger
because of it.
Let me tell you this: fighting
in a relationship is as normal
as breathing.
Any relationship, and by
that I mean any relationship,
will always have disagreements.
It's inevitable, even in the most
perfect of couples.
I dare say they are perfect
because they fight.
The thing is, it can happen
once in a blue moon or
everyday.
It's simply a matter of how
both of you cope with it
that's really important.
Although fighting is somewhat
a negative connotation, having
disagreements every now and
then is not necessarily a bad
thing.
Regardless of the cause,
relationship fights can have
both a positive and negative
effect.
Handled properly a fight can
result in a deeper understanding
between the two of you - one
where you gain a deeper
closeness and respect for
one another.
On the other hand, a fight
that is mishandled can result
in resentment, hostility and
even break-up - something
you wouldn't want to happen.
How the two of you resolve
your issues determines
whether your relationship
will be healthy or not.
Every couple has their own
approach to resolving such
conflicts.
Some couples go all out and
do the blame game - confront
and blame each other while
disregarding their own
mistakes.
Others simply avoid or deny
the existence of a problem
while others simply give in
or compromise without
really understanding.
This stops the fighting but
only for the moment and it
leaves the relationship on
shaky ground.
*******************************************
Start with the right
attitude
A healthy frame of mind is
essential, if you want to
resolve any issue before
you.
You need to be open minded
and keep your emotions in
check.
So if you are feeling angry
it is important to calm down
first before you do anything.
It is quite hard to control your
emotions and remain respectful
and rational at the same time.
If you lose your cool, 9 times
out of 10 you'll wind up
saying something that both
of you will regret later on.
If things get too heated, take
a break to cool off. Once
you've done that you'll find
that it gets easier to talk to
one another.
Remember, there are no
take backs in life.
*******************************************
DON'T play the historical
blame game
Pointing fingers at one another
won't help anyone.
In fact it only increases the
chances of everything
escalating.
By blaming the other partner
you are putting them on the
defensive by making them
feel guilty.
And the past is the past.
Don't bring up things that
happened yesterday just
so you have ammunition
to use.
Also, by putting them on
the defensive you would be
stopping all communication
between the two of you.
*******************************************
Stop, Look, Listen AND
Understand
Just because you're fighting
doesn't mean you have to
be rude and hysterical with
one another.
Keeping your calm and being
cordial and understanding
will go a long way in finding
a solution.
When your partner is talking
don't interrupt.
Not only is it rude, it also
makes the conversation
longer and more heated.
At the same time, it prevents
you from truly hearing what
they have to say.
And please no sarcasm and
going around in circles.
Sarcasm may work in certain
situations but definitely not
when both of you are heated
up.
Also get to the point of the
conversation.
Going around in circles will
not only prolong the
conversation but it will just
irritate your partner, thereby
potentially escalating the
situation.
If you don't understand
something, restate it so he
knows that's how you
understood him.
Even if it is wrong, at least
it shows that you are trying
to get what he is saying.
*******************************************
Keep in mind that both of you
have the right to have your
respective needs and wants
known and requested of
each other.
Even if it makes you or him
uncomfortable or unhappy.
You need to hear each other
out and to understand what
each one is saying.
Remember, BOTH of you
matter in this situation.
Fighting is a normal and
healthy progression in any
relationship.
A relationship without any
fighting is actually much more
dangerous because there's no
vent to relieve the pressure
building up between the two
of you.
It's like a cauldron waiting to
explode - with catastrophic
results.
In a way fighting keeps
everything on even keel.
And if you want to know
more about creating that
harmonious blend between
you and your spouse, then
visit my catalog and see
what I have prepared
just for you.
Check it out here.
Because it takes two to
make any relationship
work.
Until next time,
Ruth Purple
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