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The May - December Affair: Making It Work
If you're looking for the
knowledge and the expertise
to size up your man then
let me give you a leg up.
Let me show you how.
You can learn the effective
techniques so you can claim
your man exclusively.
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But what if your man is much
younger than you?
Much much younger...
Mary Anne sent me this email
concerning just
that situation.
I won't share her age because
as we all know us women
never divulge our age, even
under duress.
I will say that according to
her she is dating a man that
is about 12 years younger
than her.
Her friends all want her to
break it off since they say
it wouldn't work so she
wrote me to get some
insights on the matter.
And so I will...
To start off, I will say that it
is not uncommon for young
people to fall for persons that
are a decade older than
they are.
The reverse is also true.
It is not uncommon for older
people to fall for a younger
person that are a decade
younger than they are.
It's called a May - December love affair.
You see it in the movies and
TV shows right?
Even life imitated art in the
case of actress Demi Moore
and actor Ashton Kutcher.
There's like a 15 year gap
between them right?
Initially it was thought of as
nothing more than a publicity
stunt but look at them now,
married and seem to be
going strong.
But they did face a lot
before that.
And you will too.
You will get a lot of criticism.
From your friends, just as you
have experienced, and from
your families as well.
The question they ask is why
are you in a relationship with
someone not of your age level?
Is it because of a vain attempt
to capture lost youth?
Perhaps because the guy is
rich - unless he's born with
a golden spoon in his mouth,
most young guys are still
building up their wealth so
I doubt if that is the reason.
The virility of sex? Perhaps.
Regardless of the reason,
and only the couple who are
in that relationship can truly
know what the reason is,
a May-December affair is not a
very easy relationship to have.
Why?
Because there are a lot of
factors going against you.
First and foremost of course
is your age difference.
A decade or more difference
means a lot in terms of your
individual tastes, interests,
economic standing, and even
intellectual levels.
Let's put it this way, the way
you see life can be dramatically
different than the way he sees it.
It's like putting together two
people together with one
growing up listening to 80's
music and the other not
even born during the 80's.
The second person may not
be able to relate with the
first when it comes to
80s music.
A rough example I know but
you get the point right?
Now I'm not saying it won't work.
On the contrary it can work BUT
only if both of you work on it.
But then again, isn't the essence
of any relationship working
together.
So what can you do?
Well, seeing as you are the
older of the two, try not to
treat him as if he were
still a child.
I'm sure he wants to be
pampered and everything
but don't overdo it.
You may wind up being too
bossy or worst yet, be like
his mother.
Please, whatever you do, DO
NOT act like you're his mom.
He already has a mother, he
doesn't need another.
At the same time, you need
a partner and an equal, not
someone who you have to
clean up after.
Two things may come out of
it if you persist on becoming
his "mom" figure:
> He will get spoiled and so
expect you to do everything; or
> He will resent you because
you don't treat him as a man
and as an equal partner of
this relationship.
Remember, men do have egos.
The best way to do it is to lay
everything out on the table.
You need to insist that both
of you are needed to make
the relationship work.
You just may be surprised
with the positive response
that you will be getting.
And if he balks at it, then
maybe you should start
thinking twice about where
your relationship is heading
and whether it's worth it to
continue or not.
*Communication is key.
Express yourself but also be
mindful of his feelings.
Don't dominate. Learn to listen
and understand what he is
saying so that he feels part
of the process.
Dominating the conversation
can make him feel alienated
and resentment may grow
instead of love or respect.
*That means you also have
to learn to compromise.
Remember, you may like the
Beatles, but he likes Eminem.
Both of you need to understand
the pop culture of each other's
generation.
The same is true with both
your likes and dislikes.
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That being said, it will take
a lot of work for both of you
not only to overcome your
respective differences but
also to overcome the outside
influences that may threaten
to tear you apart.
There will be people who will be
against your relationship but
don't worry, there are as many
people who will be supportive
of it.
You may succeed or you may
fail, but then that's the same
as with any relationship,
regardless of age.
Just keep in mind that age is
all relative. You are who you
are and he is who he is.
Age has nothing to do with it.
Old people can be young and
young people can be old.
It's all up to the individual.
Just keep in mind that both of
you have to work on it.
Remember: it takes two to tango.
And if you want to get the self-
awareness and knowledge to
size up your man, then let me
help you.
Take a look in here.
Maintain and keep your
passion so you can deal
with the day to day relationship
set-backs and get the love
that is overflowing with
respect and openness.
Until next time,
Ruth Purple
P.S. Get more relationship information, dating tips and strategies by visiting my blog at: http://www.relazine.com
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