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Tags: relationships, commitment, commitment
 You love the idea of commitment but only in the workplace. You want to commit if it would mean a promotion or a salary hike. You put such a premium on career advancement that anything less than 50 hours spent in the office each week feels like a felony. In fact, you love your work to death even though sometimes you don’t get the same amount of loving in return, and all for good reason: you want your life to be a bed of roses—and flowers don’t come cheap.
On the other hand, you avoid discussing the issue of commitment in a romantic merger because, as you so often brazenly claim over a raised glass of martini, independence is key to your happiness. The thread that binds you to your boyfriend or girlfriend is as retractable as a doggie leash, and dedication in your relationship only means walking Fido every now and then, and not when it’s raining.
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Any one of the following may be your reason for your commitment phobia or why you fear being stuck to the same person for a long time or a lifetime (especially if put that way). Be honest with yourself and identify the cause of your trepidation; you’ll never overcome it unless you do.
The past wasn’t a blast You’ve had your share of undesirables and all of them combined have corrupted your idea of a “happy ever after” life. Now, you’re like a sentinel, always ready to sound the bugle even for the slightest hint of imperfection in your relationship. In fact, you’ve always had one foot out the door, and you’re wearing the latest running shoes on the planet.
Too much work You think that strapping yourself to another person is plain hard labor. Not only would you have to live with her idiosyncrasies, you must also devote time to please her and make her happy and contented. Why bother? You work for money, and pleasure in a relationship should be no sweat.
You’re Mr. or Ms. Excitement… Restless and suffering from romantic ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), you constantly look for the next “high” and easily get bored by routine. Complete and utter commitment just won’t work for someone like you who wants variety and spontaneity all the time. …or Mr. or Ms.
Anal Retentive You revel in monotony and find it too wearisome to take your relationship to the next level that would require a whole new set of rules and way of life. You like the way things are now: you see each other Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after work and share weekends and toothbrushes sometimes.
Why repair something that ain’t broken? Rejection is s-c-a-r-y Twenty-four/seven dedication appeals to you, but what if you get “no” for an answer? That would be such a big blow to your ego and one you may not recover from, so broaching the idea is definitely out of the question.
Discontent Buddhism teaches us that happiness is the absence of desire, and though you may agree with it, you think it’s easier said than done. Humans are wired to yearn, you justify. Kramer, in an episode of Seinfeld, tells George, “Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often I sit...and yearn. Have you yearned?” Yearning is second nature to you, and contentment in a relationship is as elusive as a winning lottery ticket.
No matter the underpinning of your commitment phobia, recognize and deal with it, especially if you find yourself constantly imagining a life—not just weekends, but LIFE--with your sweetheart. However, if in the process of dealing with your relationship issues you find that, fear aside, you’re really just not ready for commitment, that’s fine.
At least, you’ve eliminated the phobia and can now think forward and be fearless, instead of fearful.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's latest ebook on Finding Mr. Right. Discover how you can Find Your True Love here.
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