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Tags: relationships, conflict, saving a relationship
 There’s something wrong. You know it deep inside you. He has become distant and cold. You want to talk but somehow you’re afraid. Afraid he might refuse and afraid what you might find out. Saving a relationship is never easy. But it has to be done or else everything that you have established will be flushed down the drain.
A lot of things or factors can put a strain in the marriage. The familiarity factor, this is where the couple has been together for so long that they tend to ignore the wants of their partner-there is lack of intimacy and excitement. Another lack of time and attention- people in this affair feel they are insignificant because the other person doesn’t have enough time.
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Before saving a relationship, one should analyze if it’s still worth saving. Staying in the affair because of convenience or staying married just because of the children is not enough in saving a relationship. Saving a relationship should involve compromise and commitment. A couple whose marriage is in trouble should give extra time and effort in saving a relationship because every union can be saved with proper channeling and focusing.
What this means is focusing on the root cause of the problem, not the effects or the symptoms of the problem. If there’s infidelity problem in your marriage, try to asses the underlying cause of the infidelity- could it be lack of attention or intimacy? Boredom? Mid life crisis? Knowing the root cause of the predicament can give you direction on what to work on in your marriage.
If the underlying cause is not dealt with properly, more problems will arise and saving a relationship will be an impossible task to do. Once the deep- seated issues are identified, talk things out in a non- judgmental and non-defensive manner. For women, who has the tendency to become emotional, it is a must to set aside your emotional reactions for awhile and calm down.
If you’re too emotional you won’t be able to listen carefully. For men, set aside your ego and chauvinism. In saving a relationship, you should set aside your own selfish issues and consider what’s best for both of you. And believe me, being honest and opening yourself up will never bruise your ego.
Then discuss the things you need to compromise in order to save a relationship. Again, for women try to be more specific with your requests- don’t say “I need you to talk to me.” For a man’s point of view this is very vague. Try saying “I feel left out when you don’t tell me what’s bothering you, it makes me feel insignificant.” For men, it’s easier to be specific with their problems; “It makes me feel insignificant, too when I’m watching the game and you grab the remote and change the channel just like that.” Usually for men it’s the little things that bother them.
For some women, especially those in long term marriages, sex has become one of the chores but for men, it has to be kept alive and exciting. Men and women have different views of things that’s why compromise is vital in saving a relationship. When you have compromised and came to a conclusion.
Commit to it. Apologize for unintentional and intentional pain you have caused your partner. Sometime problems are just a way of making both of you see the real issues in your marriage and in turn making it better and stronger.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth recently published an easy to follow course on how to get your cheating spouse back. Click here to get more info about Winning Your Man Back From Infidelity.
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