 |
Tags: relationships, conflict, being friends with an ex
 A few weeks ago, I had an encounter with the past. At first, I didn’t know what or how to react, because its been months since I haven’t seen my former boyfriend, but as the conversation progresses, it turned out to be a good meeting. That night, I contemplated about the x- factor. During our school days in math, we learn that “x” stands for the unknown. “A” + “B” equals “X”. But what’s really unknown is: “What” + “What” equals friendship with an ex? Is it an unsolvable equation? Or is it possible to transform a once passionate and intense love into something that fits nice and easy onto the friendship shelf? I couldn’t help but wonder- Can you be great buddies with an ex? I guess being friends with an ex is possible as long as you have to stand by certain conditions or rules, or else you will wind- up being heartbroken and/ or knee- deep in trouble.
advertisement
If being friends with your past lover is your intention, then you have to comply with these certain rules.
1. Being friends is possible, but you need to be sure that you are over him. If you are still in love with your ex, then it’s a 100% guarantee that you will end- up complicating your friendship and your life. Getting over him means that both of you had time to mourn for the death of your relationship. This could take time, depending on certain factors. You should give time to erase the memories of seeing each other naked and make sure that the passion has fizzled- out.
2.
Being friends is achievable when you can say no to naughtiness of any kind. You have to swear, cross- you- heart- hope- to die that you would keep your friendship platonic. No kissing, no caressing, no holding hands, no flirting! Even after a heavy night of drinking!
3. Being friends with your former lover is feasible if you stay clear of emotional entanglement. This means that if you’re feeling down and out don’t go to him, go to your girlfriends or therapist. Be aware of your emotional boundaries. Emotional entanglement means emotional affair. Keep your friendship pleasant and light.
4. Being friends can be done when you can get a life. Date. Meet and entertain other guys. Go out with the girls. If you are secretly hoping of getting your ex back, or wishing that he will fall in love with you all over again, then being friends with your former lover is not happening. You need to take a break and get over him.
5. Lighten- up. Stop scrutinizing or analyzing your relationship too much. Concentrate on the friendship. If there is some closure that you need to convey, then wait for the right time until you can discuss things without being too emotional.
So, Am I friends with my ex? The answer is NO. Not because I am not over him or that I am prone to any naughtiness or emotional entanglement of any kind, but I prefer it that way. I prefer to be civil and do the pleasantries when I come across an ex, but to be friends and hang- out? It’s just not my thing. Maybe it’s because I consider friendship to be something deep, profound and intimate, and that is NOT something that I can do with an ex.
How about you? Can you be friends with your ex?
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth recently published an easy to follow course on how to get your cheating spouse back. Click here to get more info about Winning Your Man Back From Infidelity.
Share this article
You may reprint this article in its entirety on your web site, newsletter or ezine, providing you leave the About the author sections intact. You may not alter the contents.
|
|
