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Tags: relationships, divorce, healing process
 In life there are phases and stages, especially in relationships. In the beginning and the end of the relationship, there are stages. In this article, I am going to discuss about the healing process after the relationship is over. Before the official divorce proceedings and just after the couple decided to separate- the person goes through stages of healing before they can move on.
The duration of healing process is very subjective for each person. Some can snap out of it in the shortest time possible and some lingers through it in years. It depends on the person’s coping mechanism and support system. Nevertheless, there are stages and being aware there is a healing process, can aide you manage yourself.
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The first stage of the healing process is denial. This is the phase when you're still floating and everything seems unreal. Denial is the mind’s way of dealing with traumatic occurrence or shock. You're bombarded with disorientating and disturbing information. Your whole thought system cannot cope with it. The next phase of the healing process is the panic phase.
This is the period when anxiety takes over. After the denial phase- the truth finally sips in your system and it terrifies you. You're so disrupted you cannot think straight. Each individual has different ways in manifesting their panic attacks and anxiety- some people becomes claustrophobic, some agoraphobic and some becomes terrified in the dark.
You might even think you are going crazy, your mind, your soul, your spirit- can’t take it anymore. Its okay, what you are going through is normal. You're just traumatized, stressed out and crushed by what happened. Who wouldn’t be, right? As a matter of fact, if you feel nothing that’s a real cause for concern.
The third phase of the healing process is grief; the feeling of loss, the period of mourning. There are a lot of crying feats in this phase but this allows you to say goodbye. The next stage of healing process is guilt. This is where your self-esteem is at its lowest.
This is a crucial phase because you despise everything about yourself. This is the moment when you should be in the surroundings of your loved ones and friends- your support system. If you're left alone you may be prone to depression. The next phase of the healing process is anger, the opposite of guilt- before you are blaming yourself for everything now-it’s his fault, all his fault.
Hating him is pretty normal you are entitled to that but being caught in this stage for too long can be as dangerous as being depressed. Carrying anger and bitterness in your heart and mind is not only destructive but it can deteriorate you as a person. And the last but the most important part, the gist of the healing process- acceptance.
This is the stage when you are enlightened of what happened. You have forgiven him and yourself. You finally understand the reasons and believed that it’s for the best. You are now willing to move on; you have a better plan for your kids and most importantly for yourself. The healing process, as I’ve said is very subjective, it can take weeks, months and some even years.
And just when you thought you are done with the guilt phase, it comes back to overwhelm you in the middle of the night. But don’t fret- it’s normal. Just hang in there until such time you will be able to manage and resolve your issues and before you now it, you have survived.
Keep in mind, this too shall pass.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook Breaking Free From Break Up. Learn how you can get your life back after a break up in 21 days - guaranteed!
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