http://www.relazine.com/feed/ http://www.relazine.com/ Free tips and advice about having a successful relationship. From dating to friendship and marriage. Mon, 29 Jun 2009 08:34:19 +0200 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 08:34:19 +0200 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/how-to-move-on http://www.relazine.com/readiness/how-to-move-on Getting over a break up is never easy even if it was your idea to break up with your man. It hurts to see your ex dating another women or much worse, is involved with one. We then start to ponder if their something wrong with us that makes our man loose interest which is quiet a natural defense mechanism that help us overcome from being too upset by negative emotions. Some women would react on getting their man back; others would find ways on how to move on. So, how do we recover after our man moves on before we do? Let’s look at some of the habits we do after a break up and on ways to soften the blow. When you discover that your ex is back on the dating game, your first instinct is to wonder if she’s attractive, fun and a more skilled lover then you had ever been. This however, will only decrease your confidence with yourself and cause you to loose your perspective as to why you broke up with him in the first place. Even if you haven’t realized it yet, having a new interest that is fashionable or has a great body, it doesn’t change the very fact that you both don’t make a good match. Bear it in mind that the break up was the result of an incompatibility between you and your guy that couldn’t be controlled. Just a sight of him with another woman can make you reconsider as to reason why you let him go. Change your routine so that you’re unlike to cross path. If you accidentally bump into him, utter a polite hello and walk away with confidence. This will give him the impression that you’re doing fine. Ask your friend not to inform you if they’ve seen him. Another way on how to move on is by spoiling your self. The post break up period is your time to experience things you enjoy. Be selfish, buy yourself a fabulous meal, spend time with your girlfriends, and get a haircut for a fresh new start. By aiming to focus on your priorities and interests you won’t be too wrapped up with his new life. When rumor start spreading that your ex had been lip locking with some girl while you just recently had a break up, it’s normal to feel humiliated. You’d probably assume that gossip start spreading of how deplorable you feel and knowing that he was moving on out of your life while you’re still in recovery phase. Well, this is not the case. For people who truly care about you intend to try and find out on what you’re up to and not what your ex is doing. Rather then grieve a break up, seek to realize that for a man to become your model boyfriend, he should want very similar things that you do in a relationship. Remember, there are many ---fishes in the sea, it just a matter of hooking the right man that has similar perception as you do. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:06:58 +0200 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/advice-on-love-and-relationships http://www.relazine.com/readiness/advice-on-love-and-relationships If there’s one human being who loves us unconditionally and profoundly, it’s our mom. They know us more than anybody else, we may think that they don’t but actually they really do. We may sometimes find their pampering over the top or at times annoying but hey!, they are made for that, and they can’t help it. As a relationship coach, my mom’s wisdom and good example has a big influence. So in this article, I am going to share my mom’s advice on love and relationships. This happened during my teenage years, though I can’t relate but I’m sure this is one of the toughest stages to get through to a child but somehow my mom never run out of tricks to get her insights on me. It was a good moment because what she told me lived inside me and I’m sure it will remain inside me; my mom gave me her advice on love and relationships. She told me “Ruth, sooner or later you are going to fall inlove and that is a good thing and I will be the happiest mom in the world if you can find that somebody to love no matter what and that same somebody who will do the same to you.” I asked her- “How will I know if I am inlove?” I was expecting the ever elusive answer to this question “you will know when it’s there” but my mom gave me specifics. “You can only say you are truly inlove when you know how you want your eggs and coffee done and why.” “But I don’t drink coffee yet, mom.” She answered. “If you’re old enough to drink coffee, then you are capable enough to say that it is true and real love.” “It doesn’t mean that if you think of that person 24/7 you are inlove. There are tons of reasons why you get to think of that person constantly, he may have a great smile and sparkling blue eyes or he smells good and he has attractive wavy hair that goes along with his beautifully tanned skin.” “If these are the reason that makes you inlove, have you ever asked yourself what if those great smile and sparkling teeth are replaced with cheap dentures? And those sparkling blue eyes will be covered with thick high grade glasses and he will soon smell like soap and those wavy locks and tanned skin will soon wilt away. Will you still feel the same?” my mom said looking straight in my eyes while giving her advice on love. “What I’m telling you my dear is that I need you to figure yourself out first. I need you to discover how precious and special you are before you decide to share yourself to that deserving person.” She continued her advice on love. “…because if you know deep inside that you are very special person then you will attract that same kind of person- a very loving and deserving person who will make you fall but will not allow you to forget yourself- a person who will always be happy to see you taking care and taking charge of your life… and that same person will hurt you and make you cry but will not make you lose your faith with each other. This is my advice on love to you- to have faith in yourself and your man but you have to know and discover who you are first. Decide what it is you want your life and the universe will give you that suitable person to fit in your life. Don’t force time or yourself, love will come to you- the universe provides and its timing is always impeccable.” My mom says in conclusion... So, how about you? Do you how you want your eggs and coffee done and why? About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Thu, 11 Jun 2009 10:44:25 +0200 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Moving-on-after-a-break-up http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Moving-on-after-a-break-up You’ll find that the hardest part about surviving break up is getting over this painful predicament to accept that there is someone else out there for you. As you ponder the thought “what if there’s no one?!” Then panic creeps up on you which make one think that surviving break up would be difficult. All it takes is a little determination without making it look more like it’s out of desperation. Focus on your goal, what you want, given enough time, to find a better match for you. With the right amount of patience and persistence, you can shake off your notions that limit your choices and eventually find the right one. When moving on after a break up you must reprogram the “you’re the only one for me” mentality. Admit it. You must have idealized your ex making it complicated in surviving break up. Even if you had your heart badly bruised. It’s easy to romanticize a relationship when it falls apart or possibly even long after it’s over. This happens when you meet someone who fulfills all your desired soulmate qualities and yet does not deliver his soulmate potential which can create difficulty in surviving break up. Look at it this way, he may be cool but there’s a reason why the both of you had to go your separate ways because he just wasn’t right for you. Though, the road to surviving break up may not be easy, the valuable thing about your previous relationship is that you’ve learned something from your man and that is knowing what you want when you move on after surviving break up. You aren’t doing this to shoulder all the blame for a love that didn’t work out but to take control of your future love life. Take time to develop yourself and be the right one for a future someone. Once you’ve identified and embraced every part of your personality, you can put every trait you wish out into the world. You have the authority over you. If you think you’re a real beauty, men will follow your lead. Take stock of your fabulous qualities and seek to be the best you can be. Now is the time to collect your dignity and try moving on after a break up. You’ve already learned your lesson about surviving break up. Now is the time to embrace a new vision with just you as the romantic lead. Before you recognize a guy to be your potential man, you’ve got to know precisely what you want. You should consider different aspects of a possible mate’s life – personality, social skills, relationship style, spiritual compatibility and physical characteristics. You may not get all the characteristics but it’s always best to start with at least most of it being there. This way, you can have a full picture of what you want. When you’ve gone through what you want in a guy and what you know you’ll not tolerate, you’ve got some ideas of your target…and you’ll find that the search will be a lot easier. As you duck into the dating scene, you’ll meet people whom you’ll be measuring up. Through all these trial–and–error adventures, bear it in mind that the 100% candidate doesn’t exist. Instead of looking for the exact match, look for someone with 80% of what you want and the potential to grow. Agree to go out with a potential guy for just a couple of hours. Two hours may not be enough to tell you whether you’ve found the right man but it’s enough to tell you haven’t. It also gives you an idea about the guy’s potential and either builds a successful set–up or gives a fair chance to other match. Surviving break up may not be that easy but it was a journey that one undergoes through self discovery. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Wed, 27 May 2009 05:22:19 +0200 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/living-together-before-marriage http://www.relazine.com/readiness/living-together-before-marriage Living in together is a very delicate matter to discuss. Some are really against it while some tolerate it.I was warned about writing an article about living in together because some people are very sensitive to these kinds of issues. As a relationship coach, living in together is not a new thing. I know one couple who has been living in together for as long as I can remember. Getting married is not an issue for them as long as they know where they stand; they trust each other enough to be on the bound of holy matrimony. They said they want to be together because they love and are committed with each other, they don’t want the constraint and pressure marriage life brings. Cohabitation is not for everyone. They say that women are in the losing end in this kind of situation. Personally, I don’t agree with this, I believe in a woman’s capacity to make a decision and they will never choose to be in a situation where they end up as the losing end. They say that living in together increases the risk of divorce or create a high level of unhappiness for couples. Others say that it breeds contempt. I have coached marriage couples and cohabitating lovers and I noticed that both sets of couples encounter the same relationship issues, except that some cohabitating lovers discussed about getting in to marriage while the married couple sometimes discussed about getting out of it. They say that the difference between being married and cohabitating is the sense of security. I beg to disagree with this; marriage should not be the basis of your sense of security. If you expect that in marriage you will achieve the security you seek then you are heading for the greatest disappointment of you life, maybe you can get financial security but then again there are pre-nuptial agreements. Sense of security is a personal matter; you should have this in or out of marriage. Some lovers chose living together before marriage because they want to make sure that they are compatible enough and they are aware that there are things they can only discover when they are living together under one roof. Some couples would rather risk the consequences of living together before marriage than be trapped in mistake and go through a nasty divorce. Whether you decide to be married or cohabitate, you and your lover should discuss your expectations, goals and level of commitment in your relationship. The success of a relationship wholly depends on the couples degree of commitment and communication, not the status of their relationship… and besides who are we to judge when it comes to matters of the heart. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Wed, 29 Apr 2009 05:53:05 +0200 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/before-you-get-married http://www.relazine.com/readiness/before-you-get-married It is a fact that you can control your own reactions but sometimes you cannot help to be affected by the people around you, especially, if that person is your mate. Hence the saying “choose your mate carefully, 90% of your happiness or misery depends on it.” That is why before you get married the first thing that you should consider is how well do you know your mate? Yes, you know how she wants her eggs done but what about her beliefs, weaknesses, strengths, her resiliency? Are you aware of her issues and insecurities? Can you think of the worst thing that your partner is capable of? Can you tolerate if ever she does it? I truly believe that these are essential factors that you should consider before getting married. Even if you are poles apart or you love the sense of mystery your partner exudes but there are things that you should know before you get married. Another thing to consider before getting married is your capacity to compromise. When you are single, you own your time. You can shop and buy for whatever that fancies you. Now, that you are officially husband and wife, you have to consider the bills, the mortgage and savings. You should be aware that when you officially becomes husband and wife. You should consider the outcome of your decisions because it can directly affect your partner. In other words, when you are a couple, it’s not about you anymore, it’s about family. Further thing to consider before getting married is your financial security. Can you afford having a family? Who will handle the cash- you, him or both of you? Can you openly talk about money? Can you agree on a certain budget? What about credit card and debt management? Believe it or not but money matters is one of the sensitive aspects to discuss when you are a couple. I know a few couples who seriously hold a grunge with each other because of financial matters. So better settle it once and for all before getting married. Importantly, before getting married you should consider how well you can communicate with each other. If you can talk about everything under the sun, what about sensitive things- can you talk about your fears and issues? you plans and ambitions? Can you talk about the degree of trust for each other? Before you get married you should be able to talk about reality, not just talk but listen. Nobody is going to admit that they may cheat someday but can you openly talk about cheating? Having good and open communication can protect your relationship from unnecessary issues. This is also a very effective preventive measure against infidelity and can keep you intimacy afloat. Just a reminder about communication- you don’t need to nag, shout or curse to get your message across. Talk the way a person should talk to each other. So, there you have it, lovely lovers. If you think you and you loved one got what it takes then go ahead and say your “I do’s”. Best wishes! About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Tue, 24 Mar 2009 06:43:55 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/love-the-second-time-around http://www.relazine.com/readiness/love-the-second-time-around They say that love the second time around is sweeter and lovelier… or is it? In a marriage or in any relationship, fighting is inevitable and sometimes those fights can get out of hand and lovers break up but after a while- a week or two weeks the most they say their apologies and end up going back together again and after a month or two they fight again and end up going back together again, until it has become an unhealthy cycle in the relationship. All this to and fro in the relationship can take its toll, one partner may get use to all the separating and going back together that he or she will never take the relationship seriously again and if this happens inside the marriage then both of you are heading for a breakdown. Once in our life we meet couples like this, I know I have. In used to have this couple friend Jingky and Tim- when they fight, they really fight. Plates get broken, curses and threats happened and Jingky would walk away and sleep in a friends house and Tim would do the same. Then Jingky would find a way to reach out to Tim about how to settle the properties now that they are over, then they would meet and instead of talking about what they’re supposed to talk about, they end up making love and making up. Then the same thing happens after a few weeks until no friends or people take them seriously. What’s worst is that the degree of fights intensifies, they now hit each other and talks are spreading that Tim is fooling around with some woman and Jingky is now into drugs and “one night stands” but they are still together and they sometime pick a fight at each other so they can have a moment of “freedom”. It’s all right to fight like crazy, to argue and to do whatever you want with each other (except hitting each other) as long as you learn from it. What I mean is, resolve your issues, going back together just because you’ve got nothing else to do is totally wrong. When going back together, assess your reasons, here are some wrong reasons of going back together. You are bored, you are afraid to be alone, you think that nobody will accept you, he is the best that you can have, you love the great things he gives you, you love the prestige when you are with him, you are afraid that he will cheat and if you have children, for their sake you stay in the marriage in spite of how chaotic things are. If two people reconcile for the wrong reasons it is doom to end. So how do you exactly know you are going back for the right reasons? Evaluate your intentions is it based on fear or love? When you know in your heart that going back together brings out the worst in both of you then no matter how painful it is, you’d rather give it up because you want nothing more than to see your partner become the best person that he is and if your relationship can’t deliver that no matter how both of you try then you’d rather leave because you love him too much to see him being destructive. If both of you have learned to reconcile for the right reasons and grow and transcend then love the second time around is definitely going to be sweeter and lovelier. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Tue, 17 Mar 2009 06:25:59 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Being-ready-for-a-relationship- http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Being-ready-for-a-relationship- Have ever wondered why your love relationships don’t lasts? Why it’s so complicated and so frustrating to work on? Yes, it has its good days but after a while the same pattern exists- it’s getting harder to compromise. It’s either you feel you’re not being given the attention that you truly deserve or you feel you are not being understood or accepted. It’s normal to have complications in relationships but when it’s starting to become a habit or a cycle that’s when it becomes a problem. That’s when you need to asses yourself if you are ready for a love relationship or not. A person who is not ready for a love relationship is a person who has so many demands and conditions and those demands and conditions are based on selfish reasons. You are being selfish when you let your partner carry your own issues in yourself. For instance, there’s this young woman named Rita, her boyfriend decided to break up with her because she is just so “high maintenance”. On Rita’s part she believes that it her boyfriend’s duty to make her feel better. Every time John, Rita’s boyfriend missed to check in on her she would bitch around or throw her tantrums like a toddler. She would say bad things to John or make him feel guilty. What’s worst Rita wants John to predict what’s on her mind. “If he loves me, I don’t need to tell him what he needs to do! He will just do it” was Rita’s mantra. This drives John’s crazy and I believe not just John but this drives almost all men crazy. Having silent expectations in a relationship is totally unfair for your partner and this is one sign that you are definitely not ready for a love relationship, for two main reasons- hesitation to communicate and incapacity to care unconditionally. Being ready for a relationship means you are willing to care unconditionally and being open about your expectations and ideals and then you compromise. Being ready for a relationship means you are willing to resolve your own insecurities or humbly and vocally ask for your partner’s support and understanding. The wrong thing is to put the burden of all your weaknesses on your partner’s shoulders. You know you are ready for a love relationship when you have the maturity to trust yourself and your partner. Trust in yourself is all about the confidence to love and to be loved, while trust in your partner means having the peace of mind that your partner will be with you all the way. Having trust in your partner means growth for both you, having trust with each other means a more productive relationship. You are ready to be in a love relationship when you are willing to do things for your partner without expecting anything in return. You do things to make your partner feel good and happy and that’s it, you don’t expect him to return the effort. Being ready to be for a love relationship means that you are willing to let go of all expectations, you love because of love, nothing more. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Wed, 4 Mar 2009 03:45:36 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/signs-you-are-ready-for-marriage http://www.relazine.com/readiness/signs-you-are-ready-for-marriage “When I grow up, I’m going find my Prince Charming and we are going to get married and I am going to wear this beautiful wedding gown with flowers all over and I’m going to live happily ever after” says my adorable, eight year old niece. Some women are no different from an eight year old when talking about getting married. They can be so caught up with the idea of getting hitched that they lose the essence of it all. With the rate of divorce increasing every year, it’s just sensible to find out if one is really up for it or not. One of the signs that you are ready for marriage is that you are being realistic about it. You and your partner should take time to reflect and weigh things out. Write down the disadvantages and advantages, and think about whether getting hitched is really for you. If both of you find that you are just trying to convince yourselves its what you want, then you have to re-think your plans. One of the signs you are ready for marriage is the quality and quantity of time you have spent with your partner. The more quality and quantity time you have spent with each other the better. It’s important that you know your lover in every aspect. It’s vital that you know his reactions and how he deals with things in various situations. One of the major factors to know your lover totally is to get to know his family, his mother especially- have you heard the old saying “You will know a man by how he treats his mother?” it’s true, observe how he treats his mom and you will know how you will be treated. It is also significant that you are grounded with his values and standards to know if both of you are on the same page. Opposites do attract but concerning things that matter its better if you and your lover are compatible. Furthermore, you know you are ready for marriage if you have liberated yourself of certain issues from your past and yourself. Marriage takes maturity, wisdom and sense of responsibility and if you are jaded with self interest, immaturity and insecurity then it is best not think about marriage for your sake. It’s also necessary that you have gotten over you past relationship or relationships. If your past still bears a weight in your chest, it’s only fair that you deal with it, before taking your vows. Another sign that you are ready for marriage is you see beyond the physical aspect of your partner. Since you will be spending the rest of your life with your lover expect that with the years to come his six-pack abs will possibility turn into one big mountain of flab and his rich golden locks will vanish and turn into a shiny bald spot. You cannot fight gravity, so be sure that you love your partner for his character and substance. Another crucial element that proves you are ready for marriage is if you are willing to compromise. Married life includes a lot of compromises, if this is too hard for you, then it’s not going to last. Before planning to get married, draft out the life that you want to live. Talk about your future like children and work. Lastly, you know you are ready for marriage if there is deep trust, respect, honesty and unconditional love in your relationship and there is no feeling of being pressured into saying your “I do’s”. Marriage is one of the most crucial things you ever get to decide upon, be sure you do it for the right reasons. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Fri, 13 Feb 2009 16:23:51 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Finding-the-perfect-partner http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Finding-the-perfect-partner They say ninety percent of our happiness and misery depends upon the partner we choose in life. Finding the perfect partner is the most critical choice you have to make. It can either make or break you. It can either literally and figuratively save your life or end it. Your name and your legacy depends on it. Your legacy can include your children and your children’s children and if you chose the wrong person to raise them is like raising an army to shoot you in the heart with a bow and arrow. The cliché- the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world applies to this scenario. That’s how essential finding the perfect partner is. All the things that you have been working for- financial, emotional and mental will be scattered off to pieces with the wrong significant other. In finding the perfect partner you have to forget what your kindergarten teacher taught you about the song “qeu sera sera, what will be will be” because in choosing the right spouse you have to be in control, you have to be conscious about it. In choosing the right spouse you have to fully and wholly know yourself. There must be a high level of self awareness and you have to know what you want in your life and your future. You should be the master of your being. You should discern your strength and weaknesses. That’s why mother’s cry when their teenage sons or daughters decided to get married at a very young age because to reach a high level of self awareness, a person must go through certain amount of experience. I don’t mean that wisdom comes with age but there are phases and stages in life that a person can become very impulsive and emotional. In having the right partner you have to not just rely on your heart but your mind as well. Here are some few guidelines or checklist in having the perfect partner. Gauge his or her sense of responsibility. A person can love as much and care as much but if he or she lacks the sense of responsibility then for sure you are heading for a meltdown. Being responsible goes not just being industrious or hard working, it’s standing up for every decision you have made and taking into consideration the feelings and welfare of the person you really care about first. There is a sense of integrity involved in being responsible. How do you know a person is responsible? Easy. For instance, if your boyfriend is still in school, he takes it seriously and he has a plan, he mentions that what he is doing is not for himself alone but for the people he loves. If he is working, you know he is responsible if before he makes certain decisions he weigh things carefully and cautiously first. If you are with a very responsible spouse, you will never go hungry, you will always be taken cared of no matter what. Another guideline in having the perfect partner is to consider your compatibility factor. They say opposite poles attract but I say this only works for ions not persons. I have always believed that couples should complement each other if they want their union to last. There may be differences but on the things that matter like morals, values and wavelengths there should be balance and harmony. In having the perfect partner, look for the factors and aspects that can stand the test of time not just for the time being. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Mon, 12 Jan 2009 05:42:59 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/ready-to-move-on http://www.relazine.com/readiness/ready-to-move-on Heartaches can be a total backlog. It shrinks you internally and bombards every aspect of your self-esteem. It makes you curl up with your hand on your chest and cause you to cry yourself to sleep. When you are in the state of broken heart everything feels surreal and time stops. You are in temporary state of psychosis, you feel like you’re going to breakdown and shout in the middle of Times Square. You stare at the wall with blank affect and when people talks to you, you respond in a slow motion manner. The only advantage of suffering from heartache is losing those ten pounds you’ve trying to shed off for the past two years. Heartache is starting to become an inconvenience that you begin to deal with it properly. So after a period of time you feel like you are ready to move on. Just to be really sure that you are ready to move on and not just trying to convince yourself, here are some signs that you are truly ready to move on. He never occupies your mind anymore. Before when you’re still bleeding from your broken heart, he is the last person you think of before going to sleep and the first person you think in the morning. He is the primary focus of your thought. Everything revolves around him but if you are ready to move on your mind is preoccupied with a lot of things like your work, your yoga class, your friends, your escapades and new adventures. Another point to remember that you’re ready to move on is you have no bitterness whatsoever in your past relationship. You embraced the pain of what you’ve been through because without it you will never have this same degree of appreciation for yourself and your life. You no longer recite the mantra of bitterness in your sleep. Your friends are also relieved of the fact that you no longer talk about him. When you do talk about him, there is calmness and sense of acceptance. Before the mere fact of saying his name triggers you to have violent reactions. You know you are ready to move on when you let go of the idea of reuniting. Before you pray every night and day that the two of you will get back together and love will be sweeter the second time around. You hope that he will come to his senses and call you, making you check your cellphone, answering machine and email every minute. You know you have moved on when you cannot imagine going back to him ever again. Most importantly you know you are ready to move on when you are happy and contended of the way things are in your life. You are not desperate to look for a lover. You are taking your time enjoying the moment. You have accepted the fact that the break up happened for a reason and it was for the best. You realized your mistakes and have learned from them. You are now wiser and more aware. You are now unaffected when you see your ex. You can now look at him and not a feeling of love or hate. When you are ready to move on, the worst part is over and the beginning of truly appreciating yourself begins. Like a diamond, it has to go through a lot of painful polishing before it becomes really priceless. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Tue, 6 Jan 2009 13:10:07 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/wedding-proposal http://www.relazine.com/readiness/wedding-proposal After so much time of going steady, you finally found the woman you want to spend your whole life with. Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with is a gift that you should cherish. Finding someone you truly love and loves you back is something really worth celebrating. It’s one of the beautiful milestones in your life that is worth treasuring. If you have found true love and have that love reciprocated, consider yourself very blessed and fortunate. Some people spend the rest of their lives finding true love and when they do, they realize that their love is not reciprocated. That’s why when you finally made that decision to marry the love of your life, make sure she will say yes. Make it special and memorable. Proposing is one of the most significant moments of your life so make it an unforgettable one for you and for your loved one. One great thing about proposing is when you ask for support, people are usually very much willing to cooperate. This only shows that human beings by nature are hopeless romantics. And to bring that romanticism in you, here are some great wedding proposals to sweep her off her feet and a surefire way she’ll say yes. One great wedding proposal for a conservative and close-knit family is a traditional way of asking her hand- through her dad. Being close to her family is a requirement in this idea because you need her dad’s cooperation to make your wedding proposal work. Tell her dad privately to conduct a family gathering where every family member should be present. Then in that gathering, in front of her close family member, ask her dad’s permission and blessing. Then go to her and go down to one knee, show the ring and say “your family said yes already, how about you? Will you marry me?” Now, tell me, how can she refuse? If she’s living away from her parents, secretly flying her mom and dad to your place can be very romantic. Surprising her with a specially cooked dinner with her parents can really astound her. Then after the dinner, let her father say in a serious manner that he has some important and crucial message to tell her. When she can begins to feel nervous, let her father drop the bomb by saying “Your boyfriend here asked me if he could spend the rest of his life with you.” Then, get down on one knee and ask for her hand in marriage. Nothing can be more perfect than a wedding proposal done with the approval and help of her own parents. If you want a more private yet conservative wedding proposal, a dinner for two in a fancy restaurant or a hotel suite can be perfect. During dinner for two in a fancy restaurant, creating a romantic aura can be challenging since it is a public place. In this case, you have to ask for the collaboration of the receptionist, the waiter and the chef to go with your wedding proposal plan. To make your wedding proposal unique, make use of your unforgettable dates, places and things. Keep in mind that the essence of a wedding proposal is making sure she’ll say yes. So keep those romantic and creative genes working. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Fri, 2 Jan 2009 16:04:54 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/ways-to-be-happy- http://www.relazine.com/readiness/ways-to-be-happy- It’s the New Year and with it comes a promise of new hope and new life. This is one of the reasons why the New Year is much celebrated. People go through the trouble of making elaborate countdowns with highly crafted fireworks and rich parties. I, myself is guilty of these merriments. I love the air of New Year, the excitement, the hope and the optimism it brings. Optimism for happiness and serenity in the days ahead. I took a personal survey asking friends and family what is it they are hoping for this New Year and majority of them answered happiness. This comes as no surprise. We all want happiness. And I’m sure you are not an exception. So here are some realistic ways to be happy. When I say realistic ways to be happy, what I mean are the practical and doable stuff you can actually do to achieve that ever elusive happiness you ever wanted. One of the practical ways to be happy is to stop living in a material world. Yes, money can give you a comfortable life but it can never give a peaceful life. I don’t mean that you are going to stop working and stop earning. Money is essential for our survival. Money can give you your vital necessities but you should never allow yourself to be enslaved by cash or any other material object for that matter. Never exchange your reputation for monetary basis. It’s just not worth it. Money can never give you happiness but being good to people can. You should look beyond temporary happiness and have a higher purpose in life. This brings us to another ways to be happy- be proactive. Instead of sitting around all day in front of your computer or lying on the couch texting for hours during your free time, go out and socialize with good friends. Hang out, sing, dance, laugh. Connect with family. Do something fun, however trivial or ridiculously silly like singing in a karaoke when you know you can’t sing or dance in a dance floor ledge when you know you have two left feet. Having a good laugh can boost your spirit in an instant. Another ways to be happy is doing some act of kindness everyday. Opening a door for a lady, or offering your sit for an old woman are examples of little act of kindness that can make you and some else blissful. In other words be a blessing to someone else. Another ways to be happy is being friendly. Smile a lot. Never under estimate the power of smile. Every time you smile, the nerves in your face carry signals to your brain and in return releases feel- good hormones which makes you cheerful. Aside from counting your blessings being positive about life helps you to be cheerful. Seeing change and adversity as creative destruction and as part of the cycle of life can strengthen your faith creating a joyful disposition. Some ways to be happy is to count your pieces of good fortune and internalize it. Internalizing that you are blessed gives you a benevolent heart making you charitable and generous to others. Consequently giving you a higher purposeful in life. Learn by heart that happiness is not something to be pursued, it is something to be discovered from within you. Yes, happiness is already within you, all you have to do is acknowledge it, embrace it and live it. Happiness is an inside job, it is your responsibility. Not a thing, not a place, not even a person can bring you your happiness aside from you. Just like life, happiness is a choice. So this New Year- choose to be happy. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:46:51 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/affair http://www.relazine.com/readiness/affair So here’s the deal- after he left you for another woman and caused you tremendous emotional torture; He has the guts to stand in your front door crying like a baby and asking for your forgiveness. While he’s there in front of you shaking his head for his stupidity and looking like an idiot, you just stare at him expressionless and in a way, a little stunned- you have been waiting for this moment when he will come crawling back to you and you will slam him dead with the door. But that was you then, after the affair of your husband, you are now a different person. You are stronger and independent. When he left, you thought it was just a bad dream. Now he’s back, you ask yourself- now what’s after the affair? How do you know he has really learned his lessons? No matter how much you hate him, deep inside you still love him. You still need him. You want to take him back but you want him to come back for the right reasons. After the affair, you want that both of you to start fresh and start better. But before you do that you have to see what and how he feels about what he’s done. Does he feel remorseful? Has he specifically reiterated the reason or reasons why he did what he did? After the affair, you better make sure he is well aware of the consequences of his actions. Yes, you can’t wait to take him in your arms again, literally and figuratively. I get that. But you have to understand, taking him back without knowing the real score after the affair is doomed to end. It is vital that you confront the things you have been avoiding and resolve it before it becomes a deadly cycle in your relationship. After the affair, it’s not enough that his reason for coming back is he’s fed up with the other woman, or he can’t live being the bad guy who left his family for his mistress, or he misses your cooking and the atmosphere of home. His main reason for coming back after the affair should be you- the whole of you, the new you. After the affair, you know he is sincere about his return. And he is willing to talk things out about your marriage. If he open this up, be sure to listen. Men usually are more specific when they communicate with their feelings. When you’re husband opens his heart out, don’t be defensive. I’m sure he is not pointing fingers at you. On the contrary, he is trying to work things out for both of you. Creating an encouraging and non-judgmental atmosphere can do wonders in your relationship. Another sign that he is truthful after the affair is when he appreciates the new you and is willing to work with your new terms. After he left you, you have learned to become independent and have created a life of your own. Like for example, when he left you have joined an early morning swimming club. Thus, on his return to your home, he should be willing to prepare breakfast for both of you. And the last but not the least, he must be back for good and must be a changed man. He is more caring and considerate and less idealistic. Your marriage now feels rewarding because both of you have learned to love each other’s individuality and have found a whole new respect for each other. You see, something good can come out in every adversity if you learn to rise above it. I always believe that if we see each problems as an opportunity to make ourselves and our relationships better, the more you will be able to resolve that problem productively. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Wed, 3 Dec 2008 09:28:03 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/death http://www.relazine.com/readiness/death When the angel of death arrives in your family, there is no way of stopping it. When it comes and takes the life of your spouse, you have no choice but to cope with it. Easier said than done because part of you went to the grave with your spouse. The pain is excruciatingly paralyzing, you just want to lie down and wait for the angel of death to take you away too. You get to thinking this is worst than death itself- to keep on living when your spirit is dead. You’re angry to the world, why does it have to be you. You miss you husband terribly; his absence is so erringly lonely, you feel desolated. So many questions passing through your mind, what will happen to you now? To the kids? To the your life” you are so use of taking care of everything for you. Death of a spouse is one of major occurrences that can alter your life and your way of living. If not handled well the living spouse may go through deep depression and may not be able to snap out of it. Death is truly selfish but don’t let it take the best of you. Here are some few suggestions in living after death. Take care of yourself, if you find it hard to sleep find some way to find healthy alternatives to help you sleep, if you have no appetite, at least drink some liquids or take some dietary supplement. You’re already hurting in the inside at least make some effort to stay healthy on the outside. The urge to take some alcohol and cigarettes may be strong but if you can stay away from it, it will just make matters worst. Exercising can help a lot. Exercising is the best way to take pressure and stress. Go on or continue with your daily routine and once in a while go out of the house and have some fresh air. Containing yourself inside your house can intensify your grieving process. Replying to mail and condolence letter is good for you. Reading their condolences makes will make you feel you are not alone. Another way of dealing with the loss is cleaning out the drawers and closets; you should do this by yourself or with someone very close to you, where you can rekindle and talk about the memories your late husband left. Start a diary or journal, it can relieve you from pent up emotions. Never forget the legalities, in the funeral home be sure to ask at least 10 certified copy of the death certificate, have your social security number ready. Visit the bank and settle the legalities needed, also mortgages and credit. Inform social security, organizations, real estate and auto titles, bonds, stock title if there’s any. Never overlook your insurance claims. If you still can, take control of everything. If you think you need it join a support group and last but not the least cry it out. Sometimes, you like going away but it is wise not to make any drastic and major decisions at the moment. If there are decisions that have to be made, let it wait. The least you want is more stress in your part. Make the most of your life, be good to yourself- without a doubt this is what your late spouse wants you to do. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship. Tue, 2 Dec 2008 10:25:13 +0100 http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Toddler-parenting http://www.relazine.com/readiness/Toddler-parenting Okay maybe not as easy as counting numbers but there are some ways to make toddler parenting less stressful and more fun and pleasant. Nurturing a kid in his or her this stage is one of the most crucial stages of his life. If done inappropriately it can have unconscious effects to the kid through out his or her life. Toddler parenting is cultivating and taking care of a kid ages 1- 3 years. Parents taking care of children this age is overwhelmed by worries because this phase is one of the defining factors if the kid is normal or not. One indication if the child is healthy is thru his motor skills and sensory skills. Motor skills are physical activities and sensory skills are his senses. During this phase, walking and self-initiated movements becomes easy. One thing that is so frustrating in toddler parenting is the potty training. These are certain facts about toilet training. Toilet training is one of the most important tasks of the toddler and physical maturation must be reached before training is possible, also the approach and attitude of parents play a vital role. Bowel control develops before bladder control. Remember, daytime bowel and bladder control is achieved during 2nd year of age and night control by 3-4 years of age, if these tasks are not done by the kid, go to your pediatrician for advice. Children have individual differences, some can talk first before walking and vice versa but when it comes to potty training here are some signs that your toddler is psychologically ready to use the potty, the child is able to stay dry for two hours and waking up from a nap dry, she is able to sit, squat, walk and remove clothing on his own, he or she recognizes urge to defecate or urinate and finally the child expresses willingness to please the parent. One important note, authoritarian approach during toilet training can make your kid an obsessive-compulsive individual later in life and too much leniency can turn him or her in to an anti-social, so be sure to train your kid somewhere in the gray area. In toddler parenting, the social aspect of the kid should be given importance. Take note parents, during toddler years the child plays alongside other children but not w/ each other- this is what you call parallel playing and the play is mostly free and spontaneous, no rules or regulations. And of course, we all noticed that attention span is still very short and change of toys occurs at frequent intervals. In toddler parenting understanding the fears is vital and so is handling the communication aspect. One of the greatest fears of the toddler is separation anxiety, another is loud noises like vacuum cleaner or fire works, going to sleep can also frighten most toddlers. Emotional support, comfort, and simple explanations may help allay a toddler’s fears. In any event of stress occurrences, presence of the parents or parent can help the kid. Of course, toddler parenting is not complete without discussing the safety of the child. Since toddlers are great explorer, strict supervision is a must. Never ever leave the toddler alone in the bath or in the swimming pool, be sure not to have medicines and household toxic products lying around the house. And in any event of poisoning, have a bottle of ipecac present at all times and call proper authorities for immediate help. Toddler parenting should know that during this stage according to Erickson, a master psychologist- this is the stage where the child wants to develop independence and autonomy but if they hold on to their favorite pillow or blanket, it’s normal, because second to holding on to their parents, toddlers hold on to familiar things when they are stressed out. Toddler parenting is not as hard just have that favorite pillow handy in case of emergency. About the author. Ruth Purple is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Ruth now decided to share her knowledge through this site, Relazine.com. You can sign up for her free weekly newsletter and learn how to find love and compassion in your relationship.