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Tags: relationships, marriage, how to avoid divorce
 Some couples wonder why after giving all their time, effort, and energy into their marriage, it’s still doesn’t end well. Just like Sandra, my dorm buddy during college days. A couple of months ago, she called me up to have lunch with her and that she needed someone to talk to. Sandra has this engaging personality. Her aura never fails to brighten up yours, but not during that meeting. The usual sparkle in her eyes are gone, I can feel that she is disturbed, distracted, and sad. My silent assessment were confirmed when she told me that she and her husband are divorced effective that afternoon.
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My heart sank. They were a great power couple, and they have two wonderful girls. She said they just grew apart. They tried saving the marriage, but nothing fits anymore. She further continued that what devastates her more was that she gave up everything for her marriage. She blew the chance to be in a very strong law firm because it will eat up all her time, so she settled for a less demanding, mediocre job. This is really surprising to those who knew her in college, she was an A student. Everyone expects her to be big because she has this charm and confidence to become successful. When she got pregnant, she gave up her job to be a soccer mom. Her life was all about her marriage and her children.
Now, at 43, she has to start her life over. She wanted to share her story because somehow, she wants fellow mothers and wives to learn from her experience. Although, there are certain other factors that lead to the end of her marriage, but in general, she admitted that the lack of balance in the relationship played a big factor in the divorce. She noticed that the more they tried to save the marriage, the more it becomes a burden. The imbalance crippled their hope, drained their energy, and exhausted them emotionally.
Balance, equilibrium, homeostasis, they all mean the same thing- a tip on the scale means trouble. Balance keeps the universe in its delicate order; equilibrium keeps the planet earth habitable; homeostasis keeps us in the pink of health. Don’t you think it’s time to apply balance in your relationship to prevent and avoid divorce?
Here are some quick suggestions on how to keep the balance in your relationship and how to avoid divorce.
Take up an old hobby that you both loved to do together. Sometimes this happens to couples, because of too much work, due to obligations, and the needs of the kids, you set aside your “couple time.” It’s a noble sacrifice, but it will hurt your family. You have to remember that your union is the pillar of your family, when you compromise that, you compromise your family.
Give each other some slack. There will be times when your partner would screw up, would constantly forget to put the toilet seat down, or leave the wet towel all over the floor, would sometimes not help with the dishes, or forgot to take the trash out. You know what, let it go and shake it off. Then say your piece of reminder in a light tone. Although these are “important” things to do, but seriously, these are not really worth fighting over. As they say, “don’t let the toilet seat ruin your marriage.” How true.
Give each other a breather. Give each other the chance to breathe out of the marriage. Hang out with your own friends, take a vacation alone, and nurture yourself. It is important that each of you understands that your marriage is flexible enough to understand that you are still your own person. It should be vast enough to cater your growth, and deep enough to comprehend your needs.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook The Art of Happy Marriage. Learn the secrets to a Successful Marriage.
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