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Tags: relationships, marriage, just married
 When does a marriage start? Not on the wedding day, and definitely not on the honeymoon. A marriage starts when the magical feeling of the wedding day starts to wear off, and the couple is faced with the monotony of everyday life. Who cleans up the toilet? Marriage isn’t all romantic dinners and steamy sex – it’s about two very different individuals bound by their love for each other.
For first-time newlyweds, the reality of the “just married” phase and actually being in the same roof can be a shock. As they start to embark on the journey called marriage, pitfalls and hurdles are common. But how can a couple get through with them? You grew up in a highly sterile environment.
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He didn’t. The sight of piled up, unwashed plates is enough to make you go ballistic but it’s totally fine with him. Or, you fix your bed as soon as you get up while he says “fix the what?” These little things can sometimes be an invitation for squabbles but it doesn’t have to be.
Find a solution that works best for both of you, even if it means that you have to sacrifice a little. It may mean that he has to fix the bed while you do the plates, but whatever it is that you come up with, it has to be something that you both agreed on.
That’s compromise right there. Money is a fragile issue. Some play it safe and sign a pre-nup; others simply opt for a joint account. It’s always ideal to sit down and talk seriously about how you are going to handle your finances before getting married. Your incurred debts before the wedding should also be accounted so that you’ll know your spending limit.
Sometimes failure to cope with financial issues can also mar an otherwise harmonious relationship. Having your priorities in order is vital to every marriage. This includes how often families and friends will be invited over and how much time will be spent with them. He may not want your girlfriends dropping by unannounced every other day, or you may not want his buddies at your place every single night.
You need your privacy, too. Speak up and draw the lines early, and remind each other that you have your own family now, which should be the top priority. You enjoyed your first date, and you were mesmerized by your first kiss. Will you feel the same about your first fight? There could be shouting or it could be a cold war.
How a couple handles the first big fight would usually reflect how they will handle future conflicts. Couples can be so caught up in the fight and it could end up in an exchange of hurtful words, with the main issue left unresolved. If going to bed angry will help you cool down, then by all means do so.
Start fresh in the morning when heads are cooler and you are capable of being rational instead of being defensive and emotional. Marriage is not a stroll along the beach. Every day is a rollercoaster ride which could make you reeling and dizzy. There will always be household chores, decisions to make and the inevitable conflicts, not only in the “just married” stage.
But, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what works and what doesn’t in a relationship.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook The Art of Happy Marriage. Learn the secrets to a Successful Marriage.
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