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Tags: relationships, marriage, marriage counselling
 There was a time when marriage counselling was considered a last resort for struggling couples, always with something of a stigma attached. A lot of people feel that to go through counselling is to acknowledge defeat, and implies weakness in a way. In recent years, however, more and more couples have reaped the benefits of marriage counselling, which have helped them to deal with issues and conflicts that were adversely upsetting their relationships.
After all, one doesn’t hesitate to go to a medical doctor in times of illness, so it’s only reasonable if a couple would go to a counsellor in a marriage relationship that is facing problems. In order to be able to resolve these problems, another party with an objective standpoint is often required, and this is what marriage counselling can offer.
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It can also help couples with many relationship aspects—contrary to common misconception, counselling is not strictly reserved for those on the verge of a breakup, nor is it only for relationships where a partner has had an affair. One benefit of counselling is that it prevents problems from escalating. A couple may have the same problems year after year; if these are not resolved early on, this could create negative behavior patterns that can be hard to reverse.
Seeking professional help also increase confidence and self-esteem of individuals, as well as improve communication between a couple. The objective guidance provided by a trained counsellor will help identify the issues that are actually affecting the relationship rather than focusing on the superficial ones, teach couples how to pull together rather than push each other away, and offer help and resources for a stronger and more fulfilling marriage.
It is of utmost importance to shop around before deciding on a therapist. This can be done by talking to people who had a positive experience in marriage counselling. Asking a trusted friend, the family doctor or your minister can also be a good start. Your therapist must have specific qualities to suit your needs-- proficiency in the areas of your concern, pleasing personality, and therapeutic style and values similar to yours are essential.
You will be dealing with him/her for quite a time (as counselling usually takes time), so it is important that you get along. One problem that couples usually face when deciding whether or not to undergo counselling is the male partner’s attitude. Men usually don’t look for outside help for their relationship problems.
They are by nature wired to be independent and self-sufficient, so it’s natural for them to hate not being able to solve problems on their own. As it is harder for men to see a therapist, if the idea of having a male therapist would make a big difference to him, then it would be worth a try to give in to his request (only if the wife is also comfortable with it).
Moreover, if the idea of a one-on-one session makes him uncomfortable, group therapy would be a good starting point. Working with a group of five or ten other men is less daunting, but addresses one’s feelings of isolation and improves interpersonal skills quite well. These days, more people are reaping the benefits of marriage counselling.
They realize that counselling is a successful way to reinforce and improve a relationship and encourage a strong, enduring marriage. With the right counsellor, working upon the seemingly impossible relationship problems has become possible.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook The Art of Happy Marriage. Learn the secrets to a Successful Marriage.
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