 |
Tags: relationships, marriage, stuck in a bad marriage
 “By all means marry; if you get a good mate, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher...” so they say. If you are one of those unfortunate ones who became Confucius through the confusions of your marriage, do not lose hope, there are still solutions when you are stuck in a bad marriage.
One of the things that you need to do first when you are stuck in a bad marriage is to give yourself some space. Sometimes you can get overwhelmed with all the pressures and obligations that you fail to see the good side of your union. As one philosopher said, “Being alone sometimes gives you space to grow, sometimes it’s hard to grow when you’re too close to someone.
advertisement
Remember that trees are planted far from each other, so they can spread their branches and become fruitful...” So, if you think that you are about to lose your mind from your marital issues, for your marriage’s sake, take time to reflect and keep your head relaxed. Once your head is calm and cool, reflect on what you want in life, what you want from your better half, and what you want your married life to be. I know, I know, it can be frustrating and chaotic when you think about all this, so the best that you can do is to get organized, write it down. Yes, sometimes writing it down can help you realize if those “wants” are realistic or not. With your spouse constantly working on a quota and deadlines, don’t you think it’s too much to expect from your spouse to take care of all your children’s needs, then demand a full performance in bed every night? Some people are not born with super human strength, you know.
My point is sometimes what triggers disappointment in marriage is too much and unrealistic expectations. After you have finished this list, decide what you can compromise, then create another checklist. This time, do this with your spouse. List down the things that comprises a good marriage, like trust, communication, love, respect, having fun together and etc. Personalizes these things according to what is important and necessary to you and your partner. Next, mark the items that both of you think need to be worked on. For instance, both of you agreed that trust is a major issue to both of you, so take your time talking about solutions and what you are willing to compromise to make your marriage less difficult. Talking about this can have an unpredictable outcome, so try to focus on the subject and your goal. If the issue concerned is too complicated to be resolved on your own, ask for a marriage counsellor’s service. Once you have reached a truce on this issue, swear on your grave that you keep on it or else it’s just going to become a deadly habit. Keeping on it can be the hardest part, but you are not alone. I’m sure that your spouse is also trying hard to make your marriage work. So work hand in hand together to make your bad marriage a thing of past. Believe me, once you can get pass this, there is nothing that both of you cannot do.
So you see, my dear philosopher, there are no problems in this world just solutions.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook The Art of Happy Marriage. Learn the secrets to a Successful Marriage.
Share this article
You may reprint this article in its entirety on your web site, newsletter or ezine, providing you leave the About the author sections intact. You may not alter the contents.
|
|
