With the divorce rate going up by the minute, children experience the trauma of their parent’s divorce by the time they are eighteen. And single moms are dating again after one year of their divorce. With these facts, I have noticed that there are so many studies and information materials about divorce, remarriage and step-parenting, but not so much about the courtship phrase or the process a single mom go through after the divorce and before re-marriage. If you are a single mom and you want to take another shot at love, here are some guidelines concerning dating after divorce and your children.
Today is the first day of your life that you are single again. You glad it was over- the marriage and the divorce. Fortunately, your boss was good enough to give you enough paid vacation during the divorce to gather yourself and focus in your life. You can now finally move on and get on with your life. After ample time of reflecting and healing yourself, now is the time to practice it and apply it in the real world. As you lazily sat beside your bed, you looked outside the window and your heart raced with anxiousness, you almost feel nauseous.
Dating after divorce can be nerve wrecking for some. A lot of things and questions can cross your mind. Is this the right time? Am I really ready? Are my children going to be alright if I date? Should I tell my date I have kids? Can I still find a decent man/woman as a divorcee? Questions like this are normal, to doubt yourself, to be scared and to be overly anxious to go back in the dating are typical reactions but don’t let this get the best of you. Dating after divorce can be fun and can keep you back on track.
Divorce is what married couple dreads. It’s traumatic, it’s unpleasant and it’s impractical. But no matter how couples try to work things out in their marriage sometimes it’s impossible to have any other solution. Everybody who has gone through it will tell you that it doesn’t end when you get your status back, the lingering effects of divorce can last through months and some even years. There are still post divorce issues that you have to face and deal with. Some of these post divorce issues can be quite difficult. Post divorce issues include spiritual, emotional, mental and financial issues.
Divorce can be hurtful and devastating. There will always be a feeling of loss and grief no matter how smoothly it was done. As if part of you died and will never be the same again. The separation process can be an arduous task. The continuous deliberating of your faults and mistakes can leave you emotionally and mentally dry. The nitty gritty of the divorce technicalities can mentally saturate your brain. These are just the minor stuff. The real work begins when the divorce is over. This is when you can feel the change. This is when the reality of separation hits you, especially if you are left with the place you use to live in.
Being a single parent is all about multi-tasking. Standing as a mother and father can drain you mentally and emotionally. Whether you’re a single mom or a single dad, it doesn’t matter. Whether the reason is death, divorce or untimely pregnancy, you are now faced with the responsibility of raising a kid on your own. Unlike having a partner in raising a kid- you can have a division of labor in financial, physical, mental, and emotional aspects. That’s the reason why as a single parent you need to work double time to cope up with your obligations and responsibilities. Though the task of taking care of your children can be very rewarding, feeling exhausted and worn out is also going to be a major issue.
After an arduous feat of emotional turmoil, you just can’t allow you relationship to just fade into nothing. When he left, you have taken advantage of his absence in improving yourself. You got a license and passed your driving school and bought yourself a convertible, you went to a culinary class and painting class, went back to the gym, did yoga, and found a new circle of great friends. You have learned to value yourself and have seen your worth. Now that you have a newfound sense of self- a better self. You want him back because you know you can make this work this time.
You never thought you can get out of it alive- divorce. It was traumatic; it was hard and arduous. It really drained the hell out of you- mentally, physically, financially and emotionally. Even the children had to adjust with the changes of your separation and the people you love were seriously worried about you. Good thing the worst part is over- or is it? Almost three years has passed since the divorce and somehow you have learned to adjust and cope with the changes. You have dated now and then but nothing serious but lately you have been seeing someone for almost a year now and things are getting quite serious.
The family is the basic unit of society and every care should be taken to preserve it by the state, church and the family itself. However, if counseling and reconciliation cannot solve the conflict within the family, divorce maybe seen as the best solution. To couples with kids however the situation is much more complex as compared to childless couples. Divorce can be devastating to the children and may leave a long-lasting scar that may affect their being useful citizens of the community. During the divorce process, the offspring’s will go through emotional conflicts. Anger is prevalent. Anger at the present condition, anger towards their parents, themselves and some may feel that they are to at fault for the separation.
Its really over- it’s official. Now what - you don’t seem to know where to begin. All these mixed emotions flooding you- relief, rage, hate, blame, retribution, anguish, love, helplessness. You are relieved to finally realize that you are out of a very draining relationship. All those arguments, shouting, fighting, the silent- treatment, and the lack of communication- you’re out of it. But still you feel guilty- questioning if you have tried all options before giving-up the marriage. Guilty of what your decision to finally call it quits will affect the children. You blame yourself, your ex-spouse, your in-laws, even your parents - you’re angry at everybody.
With the divorce rate going up by the minute, children experience the trauma of their parent’s divorce by the time they are eighteen. And single moms are 
