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Tags: relationships, post divorce, divorce
 Its really over- it’s official. Now what - you don’t seem to know where to begin. All these mixed emotions flooding you- relief, rage, hate, blame, retribution, anguish, love, helplessness. You are relieved to finally realize that you are out of a very draining relationship. All those arguments, shouting, fighting, the silent- treatment, and the lack of communication- you’re out of it.
But still you feel guilty- questioning if you have tried all options before giving-up the marriage. Guilty of what your decision to finally call it quits will affect the children. You blame yourself, your ex-spouse, your in-laws, even your parents - you’re angry at everybody. You feel helpless, how can you cope emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially- the bills, the kids, being alone after so long of being with someone.
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And yet, there’s a tinge of pain because you know you still love him. Besides, no couple goes into marriage believing that they will end-up in a divorce. You begin to reminisce of how promising everything was when the both of you were just starting. You laughed together, you held-hands, you shared, the sex was awesome.
Everything was just utterly blissful. Then eventually time and reality set in. It was as though a gigantic invisible wall was between you and you cannot stand each other anymore. Until finally both of you gave up- and this happened- divorce. The pain is so tremendous, you promised yourself never again will you venture in another relationship.
Never again will you allow yourself to be vulnerable and let your guard down. It’s not worth it all… After a while, you become so exhausted with these assortments of feelings you begin to console yourself. Life is about second chances, it could have been worse. "I know I am not alone" and those who have been through a divorce will tell you that climbing Mt.
Everest looks like a stroll in the mall. “If they can do it, I know I can”, you say to yourself. It’s going to be difficult but you have to overcome the circumstances. It will take a lot of drive to transform despair, hate, anger, self- pity into positive feelings but you have to, if you want to manage your life successfully.
One thing that can help is to get out of bed. Yes, give yourself time to wallow but have a deadline for it- time waits for no one. Learn the art of balancing your emotions, your work or business and your social life. Know when to be practical and when to be emotional.
Live each day with simple goals. You can’t do this by yourself- learn from the experiences and expertise of other people. Seek the help of friends, family, spiritual and guidance counselors and if necessary go to the therapist. Have a journal. Yes, in a bad day- you feel like breaking down.
The pain is so debilitating but always remember, there is life after divorce. At times it’s hard to believe and the future seems so uninviting. Try to write it down of what you want your life to be like in the future. Finally, never make any radical decisions like moving in to a new place, selling the house, quitting work or changing work.
It is never wise to decide when there is turmoil from within. Hang in there, you are not alone.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's latest ebook on Finding Mr. Right. Discover how you can Find Your True Love here.
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