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Tags: relationships, post divorce, pitfalls of dating
 The singles scene can be a daunting place for someone who has been “off the market” for quite some time. Re-entering the scene can be a bumpy ride for some, and daters usually have to face the inevitable pitfalls of dating that can spoil even the toughest of dating efforts.
The following are just a few of the common pitfalls of dating and some ideas on how to effectively avoid them. Most re-emerging daters probably make the mistake of comparing each potential partner to his/her ex. Just when you thought that you have severed all ties, and is finally free of the past, your ex comes creeping into your life again.
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Whether you like it or not, the past will definitely affect your dating psyche. While some people would rather die than admit it, others are somewhat unaware of it. Whatever the case, it’s almost always there, and it often leads re-emerging daters to look for somebody who is entirely different from their ex.
Finding someone the exact opposite of the ex can eventually cause problems if one starts to overcompensate, as if correcting the divorce. Walking around with the ever-present long list of qualities a person must have may seem helpful, when actually it isn’t. Every time you catch yourself looking back to the past, take a deep breath and remind yourself it’s time to move on.
If there are wedding jitters, then surely there will be dating jitters, too. It’s not at all unusual for one who has been out of the loop for a while to feel nervous when meeting someone new. Insecurities over little things, especially about one’s appearance are not uncommon, and can be sometimes upsetting.
However, one must always keep in mind that it only boils down to two things: you either chicken out and back away or be brave enough to try and cultivate a new relationship. Feeling some amount of anxiety is always likely, as being intimate always has its own perils. In order to minimize anxiousness, one might consider going on mini-dates.
A quick lunch or meeting over coffee are great ways to get back gradually into the dating scene again, minus the stress of the romantic, candlelit dinner. It is often best to allot at least a half-hour to an hour for first dates, as well as for socializing at bars, clubs and charity events.
This is a good way to slowly get back into the swing and build up one’s confidence one day at a time. Another common pitfall of dating is trying too hard to prove something to oneself and maybe to the ex. Some people may go a bit overboard upon re-entering the dating world and end up making some horrible decisions, like going out with “the bad boy” just for the sake of getting wild.
A lot of post-divorce daters believe that they need to prove that they are still alluring as they were 20 years ago, and so go on a dating rampage that can be emotionally detrimental when realization kicks in.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook Breaking Free From Break Up. Learn how you can get your life back after a break up in 21 days - guaranteed!
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