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Tags: relationships, sexuality, how to talk about sex
 Let us face it, couples need and want sexual intimacy. Trouble in this area of the relationship can lead to cheating and infidelity. This is a fact; sex brings spice and “oomph” to the relationship. That is why in most romantic relationships, it is often the issue, and predictably, it is the “not enough” aspect of it.
Couples find themselves frustrated by a relationship that is dimmed in sexual intimacy and frequency. The good news is couples who are in an otherwise good relationship can resolve their intimacy issues. But of course, they have to discuss about it with their partner. And to some, this situation can be a bit awkward and intimidating.
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If you are not mindful enough, instead of solving the issue, you might end- up ruining your sexual intimacy.
Here are some guidelines on how to talk about sex with your partner.
- Do it somewhere else. When you want to discuss sexual intimacy with your partner, DO NOT do it in the bedroom. Your bedroom should be your haven as a couple, not a place to blurt- out grievances. When you talk about sex, do it in a neutral ground.
- Do it in some other time. When you want to talk about sex with your lover, DO NOT do it before or after sex where both of you are naked, or about to get naked- this is a very vulnerable state and the most inappropriate moment to do your sexual assessments.
- Reveal your plans. When you want to talk about sex with your partner, spontaneity is NOT the best strategy. Make a schedule and reveal what you want to talk about, this will make your partner less defensive and also give both of you time to choose the right words and tone.
- Be in the “memory lane.” Relate to the times when the sexual intimacy was at its peak in the relationship. Reminiscing those days can help both of you to talk about sex openly. For instance, “Remember when we use to give each other back rubs before doing it? It makes the whole experience romantic,” Or “I can still remember the time, when we stare at each other’s eyes during the whole act, it was so intense...”
- Give an update. We all change through time, our perspective, our lifestyle, our needs, and our wants- this of course, includes sexual needs- what works and what doesn’t work in bed, anymore. This may have to do with aging and/ or hormones, but it is just right that we give an update to our lover and not assume that they automatically know how to please us.
- Be specific of what floats your boat. In elaboration to the previous tip, you have to be specific of what it is you want from your partner. If you want a different venue aside from your bedroom, then tell your partner so. If you want more fondling somewhere in your body- be direct about it- your lover might even get turned on by your directness.
- Be compassionate, not contradicting. Be kind. Believe that your lover wants your best interest. Say something like, “I really enjoy having sex with you and I love it when you want to satisfy me, is it alright with you if we can talk about how to make it more exciting?” Avoid being mean, never belittle your partner.
- “It’s- not- you, -it’s-me” approach works best. Instead of saying, “You don’t give long foreplays...” say this instead, “I need more caresses, fondling and kissing...” When you want to talk about sex, send the message across that it’s about what you want- not your partner doing something wrong.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook The Powerful Secrets of Seduction. Learn how you can seduce any man that you fancy with so much ease and subtlety.
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